Real Working Mom

Care.com Free Fri-Sun

2009-11-06T17:38:00.000-05:00

Care.com is opening up its site to everyone for free. From Friday to Sunday, anyone can search for caregivers, post jobs, and get contact information. It’s a great opportunity to try out the site, post jobs, and find a caregiver.

Year of Care Giveaway

2009-10-01T09:39:00.000-04:00

There is a big giveaway running on Care.com. Last week, they started running the Year of Care Giveaway. It's a sweepstakes open to all families across the U.S. We're giving away $12,445--the cost of a year of child care for the average American family.

All parents have to do to win the $12,445 prize is to visit Care.com before Oct. 9th and sign up for a free Basic Membership or subscribe for a full Premium Membership. Or if they're already a Care.com member, they can register through their homepage.

Check it out!

Working Moms Are the Mobile Power Users in the U.S

2009-09-27T12:35:00.002-04:00

Mashable- Working Moms Are the Mobile Power Users in the U.S. - http://bit.ly/TkOQ7

Yeah...we have to be! LOL

working mom book

2009-09-24T20:38:00.002-04:00

Watch for our review coming soon! A book focused on a working mom and her child, ADVENTURE ANNIE GOES TO WORK by Toni Buzzeo published by Penguin Group USA.

THE BOOK focuses on a Saturday when Mom has to cancel a play day with her young daughter, Annie and take her into the office instead. Adventure Annie with her superhero cape and intrepid spirit turns Mom's lost report into adaring escapade.

THE ACTIVITY GUIDE (a free download) tells young readers that "sometimes you have to help your Mom out" and provides all sorts of activities to do while waiting in Mom's office.

REVIEWS: This entertaining book provides a good opportunity to talk with younger children about the challenges, and rewards, that women in the workforce experience when they combine their paid jobs with raising children."--Yana Rodgers, Rutgers University Project on Economics and Children

"The bright, full-color pencil and watercolor pictures are set against ample white space and show the warm relationship between mother and daughter. This is an office adventure that children will want to experience and a heroine they'll love meeting." --School Library Journal

Yonkers Working Moms - foundation set up for you

2008-05-09T16:50:00.000-04:00

Mary J Blige announced she set up a foundation to help working moms. It starts in Yonkers, NY and she plans to expand nationally!!! Check it out.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080509/ap_en_mu/people_blige

Myth of Balance

2008-04-01T14:26:00.001-04:00

Another Real Working Mom friend of mine, Julie, sent me this link to a great article. The article talks about the myth of balance for working parents. The author talks about the teeter totter on the playground as an example. This is my son and my Dad playing on one during a family reunion. Balance is hard to achieve but can be fun!!

Read the article and enjoy:

http://www.womansday.com/home/12797/the-myth-of-balance.html

BA

What do you want from Real Working Mom?

2008-02-10T17:24:00.001-05:00

The Real Working Mom staff is working to figure out what we need our website to be and what our goals are as a presence on the web. We thought it would be helpful to find out from you what you were looking for when you found our site. We'd also like to know what you want to see on our site.

As working mothers, the Real Working Mom staff struggles to find the time to focus energy on the site. We are very proud of the Real Working Mom idea and want it to be a useful presence on the world wide web. We want to improve and grow our site to fill the void of support for working mothers that we have all experienced. Take a moment to comment with your thoughts, ideas and inspirations on our blog. We'll take your input to heart as we work to define the direction of our site to better met your needs.

Thanks!!!!

Voted 2007 Best For Families!

2008-01-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

Thanks so much to the readers of Washington Family Magazine for voting Real Working Mom as one of your favorites!!! Real Working Mom was listed in the "Other Stuff" category.

Great working mom editorial on Oprah.com

2007-12-20T14:53:00.000-05:00

This editorial made me and my working mommy friends want to stand up and cheer!!!!!!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/12/19/three.mommies/index.html

Great article on working moms and stress

2007-10-16T14:56:00.000-04:00

It has been a long time since I blogged here...such is the life of a working mom! A friend (another working mom) sent this story to me so I thought I'd share it here. We all know a bit about stress!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/conditions/10/15/hm.stress.less/index.html

Summer is too short for vacations!

2007-06-06T00:35:00.000-04:00

I don't know how others feel, but it seems to me that there is never enough time to fit vacations in during the summer! We have so many things we want to do, so many places we want our kids to experience, but time and money tend to stand in the way. Not to mention that being a working mom means vacation time accrued at work is most often used for illnesses. So we have to be patient and do just one or two things per summer, and usually on long weekends. That's fine, we don't mind, but we don't ever feel like we get a "true" vacation. Admittedly, our kids are pretty young and we have plenty of time to do big things like Disney or visiting Wrigley Field to see the Cubs play (my husband and I are both Cubs fans) or getting to San Diego and Seaworld.

So for the time being, we enjoy doing our weekend camping trips. And these are things we will never give up, because we absolutely love it. But we live in an area where we can go for weekend trips just an hour or so away, so that's nice. We also try to get to the beach for a few days at least once during the summer. Also something we have the luxury of living close to. We are outdoorsy people and we intend to raise our kids that way as well, so hopefully they will enjoy those weekend excursions just as much as we do.

And hopefully they don't mind if they are 10 when they get to meet Mickey and Cinderella for the first time. Wrigley Field isn't going anywhere anytime soon, either.

Summer Vacation

2007-06-04T09:55:00.001-04:00

We've never planned our summer vacations well. We're not really beach people, and summer is a beachy kind of season for a vacation. Being that we are all white as freshly bleached socks, fun in the sun is not a great vacation for us as a family.

Our first summer-time vacation was Rome in the beginning of July. Rome is an amazing city with a thousand places of wonder within it. However it is about a thousand degrees from June until September.

As a teenager I went to Sardegna (Sardinia) in the summer. Sard is an island off the southern coast of Italy, north of Sicily, and is amazing in the summer. Surrounded by water the weather is wonderful, the ocean amazing (although I did burn to a crisp) and the nightlife totally hot. Unfortunately boats & nightclubs aren't on the list these days.

Last year we went to Florida, and did two weeks at Disneyworld. While we had fun, I would never go there in the summer again either. Hot sticky and lots of sporadic rain.

When someone figures out the RIGHT place for pale people to spend the summers, please let me know!

C

Debunking Mother's Day

2007-05-17T15:25:00.000-04:00

At what point is mother's day going to start feeling like a day that is about me? Here we are, my 4th year as a mom, and I still feel like this is a holiday where I should be honoring my own parent. My sweet husband doesn't help, he's never been much of a Hallmark guy, and I think he is stuck in the same thought- that mother's day is about HIS mom. Some days it feels like we're still teenagers. My daycare provider was wonderful though, she had all the kids make picture frames and took pictures of them holding signs that said "I LOVE YOU" to put in the frames. Adorable. I guess even when I'm not quite convinced this holiday is about me, someone else is there to remind me that it is.

Caroline

Japanese Steak House - mesmerized kids and happy parents!

2007-05-08T14:09:00.000-04:00

My family and I went to Vegas this weekend. We wanted to do a nicer dinner, but didn't want to be "that" family (you know, the ones with the obnoxious kids while you are trying to have a nice meal AWAY from your kids). We took them to Bennihana (which is all over the US - it is a Japanese Steak House).

The food was really awesome. The kids were mesmerized by the cooking in front of them, which actually allowed my dh and I to have a REAL conversation and a couple of drinks. The waitstaff was really kid friendly - they even recommended the kids split a kids meal, but brought them both soups and ice creams. My ds, who is 3, loved the novelty of eating with chopsticks. They made him a pair of 'kids' chopsticks using a paper and rubber band. They both ate wonderfully - my ds ate a whole bowl of soup, shrimp, rice, chicken, zucchini, and some of my steak.... and ice cream! I think it's the most he has ever eaten at one meal.

So, if you are looking for something a little nice, but will have the kids with you, I highly recommend the Japanese Steak house - good food and free entertainment!

caligirl34

RWM Final Four Bracket

2007-04-19T11:30:00.000-04:00

We are down to our final four of Famous Working Moms!!

Don't forget to vote:

http://realworkingmom.proboards106.com/index.cgi?board=bracket

It's down to Sandra Day O'Connor, Toni Morrison, Julie Clark andMeredith Vieira.

Round Peg, Square Hole

2007-04-18T20:21:00.000-04:00

I don't fit in well in today's society as a working mom...or at least I don't feel like I do. It is hard enough to fit in as a woman in the workforce especially the IT field. I work with mostly guys. It was easy to fit in with the late hours and going out for drinks before kids. But now with the rush to get to daycare before 6:00 PM, it is impossible to hang out and be one of the "boys". They also don't always understand why the daily struggles of just getting to work. By the time I have my three year old and myself dressed, fed, and in the car, I'm exhausted. Then I have to face rush-hour traffic and the who-knows-how-it-will-go drop-off at daycare. Three year olds are manic little personalities. Some days he is happy to go play with his friends...other days he's crying and begging me not to leave him. Either way, I've had a full day before I even get to the office!

Then you get to the office...who do I fit in with there? I've already talked about the guys. They mostly have SAHM wives who handle the family details for them. The other officemates are singles. They don't have a clue or even care about your struggles with kids and work. So, there's not much to chat about with them beyond the standard water cooler issues. However, because I got to bed early or spend the evening watching Krypto the Superdog cartoons I really don't know what is going on in the world! Those conversations don't last too long.

So, I've made it to lunch...this is where I either go workout or run errands. I seem to always run into the SAHMs during this hour. On the days where my son cried when I left him at daycare, I feel insanely jealous of the mommy pushing her son through Target casually shopping for things while I run as fast through the store as I can grabbing what I came for and forgetting most of what I needed. There is no time for conversation to make friends with the SAHMs in the store. I'm not sure what we'd talk about anyway. Our lives are so very different!!!

The one group I do fit in with and who understands all that I go through, are fellow working moms. However we are too busy to barely keep friendships alive. I have a group of friends in my city that are all working moms. We manage to do lunch together about six times a year and have a magnificent Christmas party every year but that is all. We love each other dearly but our children are the focus for now. Friendships have to just maintain the status quo.

Online friends are the main way I fit into society. Bulletin boards such as www.RealWorkingMom.com and www.disboards.com and www.scrapshare.com allow me to have a community to feel at home. The boards are always there...during my breaks at work and even at 2 AM when I'm up with a sick child or just plain insomnia. Thank God for the Internet or I'd feel all alone in this working mommy thing.

BA

Fitting in As a Real Working Mom

2007-04-15T13:30:00.000-04:00

We don't fit in with SAHMs, we don't fit in with the corporate climbers anymore because we don't have the extra time to give to work. So, how do we fit in withe the other women in our lives????

Our blog team will be posting thoughts on this topic over the next two weeks. If you have something to share with us, email webmaster@realworkingmom.com. Or head over to our bulletin boards to talk about this and more.

http://realworkingmom.proboards106.com/

BA

Elite Eight

2007-04-11T10:07:00.000-04:00

This is so fun. The Elite Eight are ready to vote for :) This is going to be interesting to see who moves forward.

Here are the competitors:
Katie Couric v. Meredith Vierira
Julie Aigner Clark v. Jodie Foster
Toni Morrison v. Emme
Sandra Day O'Connor v. Paula Dean

Go Vote!

http://realworkingmom.proboards106.com/index.cgi?board=bracket

RWM Famous Working Mom of 2007 Voting Has Begun

2007-04-04T09:59:00.000-04:00

It's time to help RWM select it's Famous Working Mom of 2007 and we need your help. Come vote for your favorite famous working moms as we go from the Sweet Sixteen to the Elite Eight to Final Four to our winner!You have until Saturday, April 7 to vote for the Sweet Sixteen bracket.

Have fun and thanks for participating.

Here's the link to vote: http://realworkingmom.proboards106.com/index.cgi?board=bracket

RWM Best Working Mom Bracketology

2007-04-02T20:40:00.000-04:00

With all the bracket mania going on for March Madness and basketball, RWM will be having our own "Best Working Mom" bracket. Here's our initial field. Watch for polls to vote to advance through the bracket.

Sandra Day O'Connor - Supreme Court Justice, supported Roe v Wade
Toni Morrison - Nobel Prize winning author. She also wrote children's books with one of her sons.
Paula Dean - Famous television chef and author. She has a restaurant business with her sons.
LaKisha Jones - Single mother going for her dream on American Idol.
Cindy Crawford - Original supermodel, designer, breast feeding mom
Meredith Vieira - TV News personality -- "one of the most visible working mothers on television"
Angelina Jolie - movie star and activist, biological and adoptive mother
Julie Aigner Clark, founder of Baby Einstein
Liz Lange, founder of Liz Lange Maternity
Sharon Osbourne - TV personality, wife to Ozzy Ozbourne and mother to three children
Emme - plus-size model - www.emmestyle.com
Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond) actress, activist
Jodi Foster- actress, activist and breast feeding mom
Katie Couric - First female nightly news anchor, activist and mother
Elizabeth Vargas - quit the big job for more time with family/children, television news
Hillary Clinton - politician, running for President in 2008, former First Lady

Must haves from the convenience queen.

2007-03-31T14:20:00.000-04:00

I personally, love the gadgets. I love anything and everything that will make my life as a working mom easier. Unfortunately when I had my first child, NONE of my friends were working mothers, and some of their needs were different than mine, so over time, I discovered "my" list of must haves. I will try to do them justice:

Infancy:

Carseat: A good lightweight 5 point infant carrier that will last at least 6 months. I prefered to get the seat and the Snap-n-Go rather than a full size stroller. I used our umbrella stroller when she was awake (long time spent in a carseat isn't good for baby, so take them out as much as you can!) I hated the travel system I had with my first child. For my second baby we had the Graco Safe Seat and it was a GREAT carseat.

Swing: Full size or travel size, this was a must in our house. My kids both loved to be rocked, and there's only so much rocking a mommy can do when she's cleaning up dinner too!

Breast Pump: If you are nursing, the Medela Pump in Style is a great take to work pump, and it comes in a backpack. Since I was pumping a lot, I also had a Medela Symphony that I rented.

Boppy Pillow: For nursing or formula feeding, this is a must! Or a pillow like it, but I loved my Boppy and my 18 month old still uses hers.

Swaddle Blankets: I got a few from the hospital but when it became clear I had babies that LOVED being swaddled, the Miracle Blanket became my best friend! It swaddled my daughter until 8 months.

2 diapers bags: 1 stays in the car, stocked with everthing but the kitchen sink. Then a little one I can throw on my back with a couple diapers a snack and pacifiers to run into a store!

Sling: I loved my Peanut Shell and New Native carriers for the first year. They are easy, compact, and very very comfortable.

Bumbo Seat: my daughter loved this seat.

For Daycare: I love the idea of sending a disposable camera to school, so that your daycare provider can take pictures of your kid(s) during the day. It's wonderful to see them!

Older Babies
Again, a good carseat. Convertibles that have higher height and weight limits (look for high top slots) will ensure your child gets the MOST use of out their convertible seat. And allows them to rear-face longer (which is safer, for more info go to http://www.carseatdata.org. )

Umbrella Stroller: I have a double and a single, which is nice when I go out with only 1 of my two kids. The Chicco, Inglesina lines are a less expensive alternative to the well known Maclarens, and they hold up really well!

Caroline

"Must Have Baby Items"

2007-03-27T10:20:00.000-04:00

I think a lot of "must-have" baby items vary from baby to baby. Each kid is different and has different needs. When you're about to become a parent for the first time there's a certain amount of pressure to buy the right things and have certain things. But the truth is, a lot of this stuff can wait until after baby (your baby's personality may not require it) or simply not be bought at all. Here's a few things I've discovered as the mom of two.

What should every parent splurge on before baby comes?

A high-quality carseat. There's no price on safety.
A good digital camera and video camera. You can't get those moments back!
If you are going to be breastfeeding--get a Boppy pillow (or some other specially designed support pillow) and bring it with you to the hospital.

What should you wait until after baby comes to buy?

Bottles. You need to buy SOME but don't go nuts. Buy a pack of the ones you'd like to try. Just remember that Baby may have a different opinion and want a completely different kind.
Miracle Blanket. Not all kids need to be swaddled. My first one didn't, but my 2nd one did. And when she started wriggling out of her receiving blanket swaddle, the Miracle Blanket was a lifesaver!
Baby Bjorn. My first child didn't care for being carried this way. Of course I had the cheapo version of the Bjorn which really hurt my shoulders and back so that might've made a difference. My 2nd child wanted to be held and carried all the time. I was reluctant to use my old front carrier because it was so uncomfortable. A friend loaned me her Bjorn and it made all the difference in the world. I carried baby everywhere in this thing and my back was fine.

What can be skipped to save some money?

Highchair. We bought the fancy highchair for our first child. We have a small dining area and the thing took up SO much room. I was so happy to move her into a booster seat. It straps to one of our dining room chairs and can be used with a tray or just pushed up to the table. When our 2nd one came alone, I did not want to pull that highchair out of storage. We tried her in the booster seat from day 1 (six months old). It worked great and took up much less room. If you have a small dining area like we do, go straight to boosters and forget the highchair!
Changing table. Some people love theirs. But think twice before shelling out the big bucks on one of these. With both kids we actually used it AS a changing table for maybe the first 6-8 weeks of their lives. After that we just changed them on a floor or couch or bed. The changing table was just a storage place for diapers, wipes, etc. Now we have this thing to get rid of... I wish we would've spent the money on an extra dresser instead. We could have used it for diapers early on and clothes now.
Umbrella stroller. Again, this is just me. Some people love the convenience of the umbrella stroller. But personally, I never used ours. The regular stroller folds up almost as compactly AND it has cup holders, a tray, a storage basket for the diaper bag, etc.

Happy shopping!

Must Have Baby Items!

2007-03-26T17:57:00.000-04:00

My "baby" is almost four years old now. Man time flies. Anyway, I'm having a hard time remembering the things that helped me the most during his infanthood. Memory is a tough thing when you are in multi-tasking overload as a working mom!!!

Here are a few things I felt were useful:

camera -- take millions of pics - time goes by fast (see paragraph above!)

Baby swing -- if they make them now where they plug in that would be better. We used TONS of batteries in the one we had. It was the only place he would sleep most of the time.

Playtex bottles with disposable inserts -- made bottle feeding easier since you tossed the insert and didn't have to wash inside those long & thin bottles.

Something I'll buy if I ever do it again: co-sleeper baby bed. I ended up co-sleeping (still do) with my son and I wish I had started that way from the beginning.

Sense of Humor -- babies and sleep deprivation make you crazy! Try to laugh....lots! :)

BA

I have to have it!

2007-03-19T00:39:00.000-04:00

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had a long laundry list of items that were "must haves." This according to the magazines, friends, and fancy advertising to catch naive eyes like mine. We had all the newest and finest accessories. We were set--we just knew our baby was going to be so happy with all of these things!!!

Wrong.

The only thing that was actually worth the $100 was the Baby Bjorn. It was a lifesaver with my daughter. As an infant, she was colicky, and not happy unless she was being held. So the Bjorn is the only thing that gave my arms a break. And, daddy could wear it, too. She hated the swing, took a long time to warm up to the bouncy seat (and then quickly outgrew it), and used her exersaucer for maybe 3 months because she was an early walker.

When my son came along, we were veterans and knew not to buy into all of those gimmicks again. Sort of. We did need to buy some new things, since we had passed a few of our older things onto friends. It was hard to resist the temptation to buy all brand new stuff, because man things had changed in just 2 short years! My one sadness was the loss of our Bjorn. It had literally been lost and we don't know where. But finances were tight and we couldn't see spending another $100. So I spent $15 on a cheaper version. And guess what? It worked just as well as the Bjorn and our son loved it. Go figure.

Other things that were handy but not quite so valuable would include the booster seat/high chair, the travel swing that my son liked much better than the large contraption bought for our daugter, and our small co-sleeper bed that both kids used for the first few months of life. Beyond that the best thing anyone ever gave us was diapers!!! You never stop needing those. I actually requested a casserole/diaper-themed shower when pregnant with my son because I learned how important those practical gifts were after the first child.

So I guess when it comes down to it, go practical. The fancy stuff sure is appealing, though.

Volunteering

2007-02-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

It's so hard to find time to volunteer but I always feel so good when I do it. I also want to teach my kids by example. I am an active member of the PTO at my son's preschool. The PTO's main priority is to raise money to help buy things for the school and the kids. For example we recently purchased a new computer for each classroom. In the past we have helped buy some playground equipment, books and other supplies for the classrooms, a digital camera, and a die cut machine. Every Christmas we also help organize the adoption of a family through a local children's hospital. It is truly wonderful to see my son and the other kids benefit and grow from these things.

I also help out church. I don't do nearly as much at church as I would like to but as my son gets older I hope to do more. Each year at Stewardship time I try to sign up for one more thing. So far it's working.

I also do a lot of things at work for the United Way. This is great because I am allowed work time to do these things. Which means I don't have to give up any time with my family.

My story is not terribly exciting. But there it is!

Sam

Claiming My Time

2007-02-09T22:33:00.000-05:00

Given that it has taken me over two weeks to get to this blog topic, my success with finding time for myself could certainly be called into question. I really do find this blog and keeping in touch with other working mom’s to give me just a little bit of the personal space we all need in our daily lives.

Beyond my internet habits, I am a home-improvement kind of gal. Granted, my recent projects have resulted in a couple of trips to the ER for stitches, but the bringing them to completion and putting a “personal stamp” on my home environment are extremely gratifying.

Demolition projects are especially useful for venting anger and frustration– as is almost anything requiring a hammer. Note to self: need to find another woodworking type project for the next time the ex pisses me off. Painting – useful when I want instant gratification. Nothing like a little fresh paint to make things suddenly seem brighter and cleaner.

For the more tranquil times, I do enjoy reading and can plow through books when left to my own devices. Currently, I leave that for the before-bed wind down.

Exercise – well, that’s on my wish list, but I am hoping to get back into a gym routine. I think exercising is one of the best things I can do for myself – now I just need to claim the time to do it.

Kathy+2

Hobbies for this Mom!

2007-02-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

With two kids (and two more stepkids), and a husband who works a lot of hours and travels, I don't have too much time for hobbies.
One hobby that I have had since I was 10 years old is SOCCER.

Other than the two years I was pregnant, I have played on a soccer team - usually year round.
In the Spring and Summer I play on a Co-Ed outdoor team.
In the winter, I play Womens Indoor soccer. Currently I play on two teams. One team plays on Tuesday nights and the other team plays on Sunday afternoons.

Often I have to pay for a babysitter to be able to play on Tuesday nights, if my husband is out of town. But it is SO worth it! I am usually only gone from the house for about and hour and a half (the games are 45 minutes long) but my mood usually has done a complete 180 from the time I left the house, to the time I return.
Exercise and competitive sports does something in my brain - it always has. I thrive on it. It makes me happy, and when I am happier, I am a better parent.

My 3 1/2 year old LOVES coming to my games now and cheering me on. He also already has developed a love for the game and loves to play soccer himself.

Hopefully this is a hobby that I can pass down to my next generation!

S

Hobbies

2007-02-03T20:15:00.000-05:00

I can remember the days when it was all about me! My oh my are those days long gone! But I do truly believe, from the bottom of my heart, that we (all mom's) need hobbies and need to take time for ourselves. I feel that doing this makes us better moms. When I can enrich myself and do things for myself I feel better about myself and that makes me a better mom! So what kind of hobbies do I have?

Scrapbooking
I an relatively new scrapbooker. I absolutely love doing this which is crazy because I am not crafty and not creative. But I absouleyly love scrapbooking, I have to admit that half of why I love it because it's an excuse to get together with friends.

TV
When I was younger with no kids I could rattle off a list a mile long of shows I just had to watch each week. My list has dwindled down one....maybe two shows. I am an avid Grey's Anatomy fan. In fact it is the sole reason that my family now has Tivo! I also really like ER but I don't go crazy if I miss it. Now with Grey's everyone in my house knows that when I start watching it I just need 45 minutes alone (gotta love fast forwarding through the commercials). I tell them all that yes the technology of Tivo allows me to pause the show but once I get started I'm in the zone and do not want to be interrupted as it might ruin a perfectly good cry!

Spinning
This is a great release. I have to admit I haven't been to a spin class in several weeks. But the idea of walking out of a spin class all sweaty when it's 8 degree's outside with a wind chill of something below zero just freaks me out. I went to class faithfully twice a week for about a year and loved it. My goal is start going again when the temperatures outside reach a point that will allow humans to sustain life.

I do other things as well but the things I listed here are the only things I do ONLY for my own enjoyment.

Sam

Hobbies for the Mom

2007-01-30T23:21:00.000-05:00

Who has time for hobbies, especially when you are a working mom? Hopefully everyone! Hobbies are that little bit of time each day/week to give ourselves a chance to take a breather from real life. Yeah right! :)

I have a few hobbies that I do when I have spare time. Let me share them with you!

Scrapbooking:

This is my big time consuming hobby, but I love it! It's a chance to sit down look at old pictures and reflect on the past few years. It's something that I don't get to do often enough, but when I do it's a wonderful hobby. Nothing beats going through those old pictures and finding the perfect paper, embellishments and words to explain the picture(s) on the page. The best time is when you can take a few hours and get together with friends and really do some serious scrapbooking.

Reading:

This is probably my second favorite hobby. Nothing is as relaxing as a good book, IMO! I'm very particular about my reading, I love a good mystery novel and I have a few favorite authors. I can never get enough of John Grisham, Patricia Cornwell, Janet Evanovich and Sue Grafton. My husband is a library director so he is always trying to get me to expand my reading, but I always go back to the above authors. I occasionally find a book outside of the above listed, but it's seldom. I'd rather have one good quirky character in a book than anything else.

Television:

Everyone has their favorite shows that can't miss. I am one of those people, and I'm thankful for TiVo! There are a few shows I can't miss each week and I wait until my kids are in bed so I can enjoy them in peace! :) Right now my favorite is American Idol, yes I'm an Idol freak. I also can't miss Days of Our Lives, Law and Order: SVU, Reba and a couple of others. It's sad that I got TiVo for my husband's birthday last year and I use it more than he does!

So, those are a few of my hobbies, and I hope every working mom has at least one "non-kid" hobby for herself. Every woman needs something for themselves!

Sharing our hobbies

2007-01-30T21:19:00.000-05:00

On occasion, we get some "me" time. We'll share about Real Working Mom's hobbies.

The Measure of Success

2007-01-26T12:12:00.000-05:00

As I get a little bit older and realize that I am bound to be solely responsible for the financial security of my children, I am becoming more of a career-minded person. I am furthering my education and have recently been through salary negotiations. I am probably more focused than I have ever been.

My company is undergoing significant changes – department realignments, facility moves, and really a change in philosophy. Never has the concept of embracing change been more at the forefront. It has amazed me how much motherhood has really prepared me for all the jockeying for position that is currently occurring.

The unanticipated changes that might have concerned me in my pre-kid days are much more easily put in perspective. After a few years of having my best laid plans interrupted by one of the many illnesses that passes through daycare, I always have a “contingency” kind of attitude.

The ability to change course and refocus my efforts on the things that are physically (and mentally) possible to accomplish with a sick child attached to your hip has proven to be invaluable. The many sick-kid issues I have encountered (my children do seem to be the type that will bring home each and every germ) have reinforced the importance of humility, integrity and accountability in the workplace. When my children decide to start screaming the instant I get on a business call from home, all I can do is apologize and do my best to respond effectively to the needs of the caller. It is an extremely humbling experience where accountability is truly unavoidable. Of course, I have also learned to return as many calls as possible during naps or after bedtime (contingencyplan).

As a working mom who has unavoidable “real-life” issues, I think it iscritical to establish a reputation for responsiveness, honesty, and customer service. Without that, I do not think customers or coworkers would be as likely to excuse – or, as I have found, empathize – with the delays or interruptions in my normal workflow.

Perhaps the biggest benefit of being a working mother is being afforded the opportunity to prioritize. Yesterday I had one such opportunity. I received notice of a restructuring that I believe could either be extremely positive or terribly negative. As I was distractedly mulling over the implications and trying to formulate a plan to ensure a more positive outcome, I received “the call” – from daycare. This time, my son (who had no other signs of an ear infection) appeared to have ruptured his eardrum. In an instant, my career path – important as it may be – was not nearly as critical as the well being of my child. With an about-face, I switched to mommy-mode and resigned myself to the fact that my workday had been sidelined.
Contingency plan – respond to the time sensitive issues as quickly as possible and play “catch-up” after bedtime. Take care of the little guy and still get the job done. I will always work hard and strive for excellence, but my dedication to my family comes first.The job by which I will ultimately measure my success is motherhood.

Kathy+2

Career Advice?

2007-01-23T09:29:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't call myself a great person to be giving career advice. I feel like my own career has sort of fallen into my lap. I don't think I'll ever make six figures. I don't want to have to wear a suit and pantyhose to work every day. I don't want my own secretary, lol. I don't need to be famous. Like many people, my goals in college were completely different. Things changed a lot as I matured, especially when I became a mom. On the other hand, I'm quite happy in my current job when I really think about it. My biggest pieces of advice are:

Make yourself invaluable. If you are irreplaceable (or at least close to it), your company will be more likely to work with you on things that will benefit you--flex time, telecommuting, whatever you need. And don't be afraid to ask for these things. Have confidence in yourself and all that you provide for your company. You may need your job, but don't forget that they also NEED YOU.
Make a pros and cons list. I think sometimes you have to work in a really crappy job to realize how good another job is, lol. I've seen a lot of co-workers/friends leave a pretty good gig thinking "the grass is greener," only to find that they HATE their new job and want to come back. So if you're thinking about leaving or your job is getting you down, make a pros and cons list. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself of all the good aspects of your job (short commute, great boss, annual bonus, whatever).
Decide early-on what you're willing to sacrifice. I really think there are things that need to be non-negotiable or you will not feel in control of your own life. There are plenty of career-driven moms out there who are willing to sacrifice a lot for their work. But I think a lot of us are working for simpler reasons: to just pay the bills, to get insurance, save for our children's college education, even just because we like working. But I think it's good to have a clear idea of what you will and will not sacrifice. Maybe you will not do a long commute. Maybe you will not work more than X amount of hours a week. Maybe you will not work a job that requires you to travel or be on-call. Maybe you will not accept less than X amount of dollars in salary. Whatever those non-negotiables are, stick to them.
Above all, you don't have to live to work. A lot of us just work to live. My job does not define me. My family defines me. My friends define me. My hobbies and interests define me. I'd rather have time with my family than a McMansion and brand-new car. But everybody's different. I think if you figure out that priority list before you ever go job hunting, you'll be happier.

Career Advice from the Trenches

2007-01-18T22:17:00.000-05:00

I am an expert by no means. However, I have worked my way up from the bottom. Can you say a temp stuffing envelopes and answering phones? Today, I am proud to say I am a director with my organization. I just want to share what I have learned along the way.

Here are my tips:

If you do not ask, often you will not get.

Many times just letting your management know that you want something or are unhappy about something is enough to get it. Often they just do not know what is important or motivates you. Is it money, benefits, prestige, flextime? Different things motivate different people at different times in their lives. I preface this with be reasonable and you have to be an employee that actual deserves what you are asking for.

Many managers really are so overworked doing their own jobs and looking out for their own careers that they often neglect their employees’ careers. No excuse, just facts.

I remember asking for my first promotion, I was so nervous and I remember my boss telling me, “What you’ve been promoted already haven’t you? What is your grade and title? Oh my.” When I said that I had not, she worked hard to get it. I have also been able to get a flex schedule this way. At my company, no one is offered flextime. If you want it, you have to take the lead and ask for it. I work at home one afternoon a week and have one afternoon off. This is great because my little one naps during the one afternoon and the other afternoon I can spend with the boys and do errands that can not be done on the weekends or evenings.
Be nice.

It is so true that you make attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.

I have made many contacts during my 14 years with my current company. I have certainly learned that you never know whom you may need help from or even who may be your new manager in the latest corporate restructure. People do not forget when someone has been courtesy and helpful, and they especially do not forget when someone has been unfriendly, angry, and hard to work with. Part of being successful is getting the support of not just your manager, but of our coworkers too.

Few jobs involve sitting in a silo and not interacting with others, even those mysterious, often non-social IT developers need to come out of their caves and work with others sometimes. Senior management does not care how you get things done but that you get it done and if you have not found this out already, it is often about whom you know that helps you get things done. I am not saying that all successful people are nice but I have seen many lose their jobs when a new boss takes over and they use to work with that person. People are just more willing to help someone that is nice. Period.
Do not get caught up in the latest fad.

This goes for business fads and dress fads. Do not wear to work what you would wear out with friends. Even if your work is casual, maintain a professional appearance.

When it comes to business, there is usually the project of the month that everyone is very excited about at the moment, but next week will be gone and often with it all the employees. Yes, these are the projects that get the highest profile, and “sometimes” get the big promotions. However, do you want to risk your career on that? If I had a $1 for every “hot” project that I have seen come and go through our company (along with the employees working on it), I would not need to be working now.

I am not saying that if you are directed to work on it, do not. I am saying to not invest everything into it, making it your entire job. Hold on to other secure areas of your job while taking a risk.

Watch for the solid, business-smart projects that have longevity and work hard to be assigned to them. Back to tip #1, just ask. Worst thing they could say is “no” and your manager will see that you are interested in taking on new projects and responsibilities, which is never a bad thing.
Be innovative.

I think this is really a keystone to my career. You do not have to be in a technology career to be innovative. You can find a quicker way to sort the mail in the mailroom, or a better way to send client letters.

As you do things more innovatively, two things happen. One, you can accomplish your assigned job responsibilities quicker, which allows you to ask for more interesting ones. Secondly, you become known as a valuable employee. Management likes employees that are always trying to be better and make the company better. If you sit at your desk, doing the same thing, the same way, year after year, what is there to make a manager think, oh so and so deserves a promotion.
Embrace change.

Change is good. By embracing change (not to be confused with the fade of the month), you are being seen as a person who is working to do what is best for the company. Not all change is easy and not without some pain but you need to embrace it and move forward. Try not to look back at the way it was. Look forward and run with it. When the change is something that you feel compromises your values or is something you do not feel you can embrace, it is time to look for a job that you can embrace.
Always have your resume polished and be looking for your next opportunity.

You just never know when you may need that resume with the next corporate restructure. You’ll need to have it ready and know what is out there quickly. In addition, your dream job may be open and if you are not keeping an eye out, you will miss it.

In the time of cost of living raises being the norm in Corporate America, the only way to get a significant pay increase is to move to another organization. Household expenses are going through the rough and salary increases are just not keeping up. To receive your fair market value, you need to change jobs. The average years in a job now are three years. Gone are the days of starting and retiring with the same company. Many companies are no longer loyal to their employees with layoffs and benefit cuts, and employees are returning the favor by leaving for the new “best” job.

Good luck and take control of your career.

A “New” New Year’s Resolution

2007-01-14T08:11:00.000-05:00

The other day after the boys were safely tucked in bed and there was actually quite, I decided to take a little “me” time. It does not happen often but I needed it with all the stresses of life.

I cuddled on the couch with our Jack Russell and read a magazine. Yes, a real magazine and not a parenting one either. It was Cooking with Paula Dean. I cannot tell you how much I admire this woman. She is the most upbeat positive person I have ever seen. She has been through tough emotional and financial times but she just loves life and it exudes from her. As I read the magazine, I could not help but smile and forget the cares of the world as she talks of sweet tea, her new grandbaby, and comfy living.

However, the real thing that hit me is what I found on the last page. Paula talked about making her 2007 New Year’s Resolution. She said she was tired of failing at giving up something and feeling bad for it. This year she was going to resolve to do something instead of not do something. She was going to resolve to do little things to make others happy, even small simple things. That way she and another person would feel good every time she was successful and it would make it much easier to keep.

Paula, I am joining in on your resolution. My resolution for 2007 is to enjoy each day and do little things to make others happy.

Visit Paula Dean at http://www.pauladean.com. Believe me you can’t help but smile just opening the site and seeing that big Paula Dean smile staring back at you.

So much for resolutions

2007-01-13T22:35:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! I made a few of resolutions this year. I always try to make resolutions to be a better person in the new year.

1. Work out more.
2. Figure out finances and do better with money.
3. Continue to lose weight.
4. Be more active on RealWorkingMom blog and bulletin board.

It is just the middle of January and I've messed up on all of them! LOL

1. I'm aiming for working out four times a week. At least these first two weeks I've THOUGHT about working out that many times a week! Gotta get more motivated. ;)

2. I forgot to pay a credit card bill because we were out of town over New Years week. So, I had a late fee and probably now a higher rate. So much for fiscal responsibility!

3. For some reason I am eating everything in sight these last couple of weeks. The "I'll start to eat better after the holidays" logic didn't kick in very well. Valentines Day must be the holiday I'm thinking of!

4. Last but not least. This blog is about two weeks overdue. And, I haven't made it over the the RWM boards yet to post. I hope you've made it over there at least!

All these things are important to me. So, I guess I resolve to get moving on my resolutions! Wish me luck.

BA

Working to Make a Resolution

2007-01-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

I’ve never been big on the whole “New Year’s Resolution” thing. If I am not convinced that I will be able to follow through, I will just be setting myself up for disappointment. I certainly don’t need that right now.

I suppose I could resolve to exercise more…because goodness knows I have so many spare hours in the day that I just spend sitting around. Call me crazy, but I just do not relish the thought of starting a workout at 10pm after having worked all day, flown over to daycare to retrieve my kids, done the whole dinner-bath-bed routine, and made a feeble attempt to get the house back in some state of order.

There’s always the “healthy eating” resolution, but (and I know this is a big mommy no-no) I am not a big fan of vegetables – especially if they require any preparation on my part. Sure, if cooked and seasoned veggies ora nice salad miraculously appear on my plate, I will probably eat them. Askme to peel, chop, steam, stir-fry or anything else and I assure you, it will be unlikely to happen.

So where did that leave me as 2007 rolled in? Looking at how the crazy pace of my life impacts my kids. My stress is contagious and I really do need to make a change. The stress is not going to go away. Balancing work, parenting and classes will remain difficult, but childhood is no place for grown-up issues.

What do I resolve? To do my best to keep the work and school stress in those venues and leave my “kid-time” for doing the parenting and enjoying it. Will it be easy? No way – but the benefits for all of us will extend way beyond 2007.

It might just leave me wondering what to resolve for 2008.

Kathy+2

RWM Resolutions

2007-01-01T21:41:00.000-05:00

Everyone does them. So do we. We'll be blogging about New Year's Resolutions. Why don't you resolve to check out our blogs, boards and web site in 2007!!!?

www.realworkingmom.com

BA

ASSEMBLING A HOLIDAY

2006-12-27T11:17:00.000-05:00

When I first received notification of the “working moms surviving the holidays” topic, I thought I had it all under control. My shopping was more or less done early – with only one gift ordered online (I managed to GO SHOPPING in REAL STORES!). I actually had a good portion of my wrapping done a week before Christmas (which was nothing short of miraculous for me). I expected I would have no problem fitting a blog segment into my schedule.

And yet…here I am, two days after Christmas, trying to regain all the marbles that I lost somewhere amongst the piles of wrapping paper and cardboard boxes that have consumed the last several days. I am not convinced that I will really be able to find them all.

As my children unwrapped their gifts on Christmas morning, it was wonderful to see their excitement and their desire to play with each toy “right now.” This is also when I decided that toys requiring adult assembly should be banned. Granted, I should have realized that the “40 cardboard blocks” I bought would not have fit in the box had they already been assembled, but I had not counted on having to tap into my origami skills to fold each one.

I also had the opportunity to fine-tune those scouting skills from many years ago as I tried to assemble a dome tent- teepee-tunnel contraption in my kitchen. Once it was assembled, setting the table became a high-jump event and getting to the bathroom from the living room required some fancy footwork. Granted, my kids loved crawling through the tunnels and hiding in the tents…and having them occupied for a few minutes kept me from having to jump right into the train-track assembly project.

I suppose I should not complain about all the assembly since the larger portion of my time was spent trying to untwist the plastic ties that hold every single piece of a Little People playset to the cardboard box. Quite the challenge when an anxious child is trying to rip the plastic giraffe out of your hand to play with it.

Christmas Eve, before I went to bed, I looked around my house and admired the gifts neatly arranged under the tree, the clean floors, the table prepped for final setup to be done in the morning – the place was ready for my family to arrive and have a nice, relaxing holiday dinner.
When they got there, they could not get into the living room because I had not had time to bag all the wrapping paper and cardboard that blocked the entrance, and the campground-maze nearly caused my mother to fall into the kitchen table. It was pure chaos.

Somehow, in the midst of it all, we managed to get a dinner cooked and sit down to eat. My family was able to witness my children bouncing off the walls with excitement. There was certainly nothing formal about the celebration. Instead, I gave in to the disorder and was able to relax and enjoy just being together. For a working mom who tries to maintain a high level of organization, taking a holiday from the pressure to have everything under control was an unexpected gift. I may have lost a few marbles along the way, but I gained some valuable memories of a Christmas filled with childhood amazement.

Kathy+2

Savoring the Moment

2006-12-27T00:35:00.000-05:00

It's this time of year I need about 3 extra hours in each day. How on earth, having started shopping 3 months in advance, did I find myself at the mall on Christmas eve?
But once the celebrating begins, I try my hardest, and usually suceed, in enjoying the moment. Time spent with friends and family is too scarce these days to get wound up about your one year old tearing the wrapping paper off everyone's gifts, or your 3 year old lamenting the slippers Santa brought. No, it's time to take a mental snapshot of the smiles on their faces, the warm hugs from loved ones, and the joy of being together on a nice long weekend. Merry Christmas!

Gift wrapping

2006-12-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

I tried something new this year with my wrapping paper. I usually pick a theme and have all the paper under my tree all the same. This year I bought several different coordinating patterns and wrapped each family gifts in a different pattern. I had silver penguin paper for my side of the family. I bought a snowman and candy cane pattern for my husband's side of the family. Then I had all the random gifts in another pattern. My son's gifts also had his own pattern so he could easily recognize his gifts from us under the tree.

I did have to merge some of the patterns toward the end of wrapping when I ran out of the paper for my in-laws (lots of gifts for that side!). But this idea helped in sorting out the gifts to take to the different parties. I plan to do it again next year and buy more of each pattern.

BA

Multi-tasking Overload

2006-12-23T16:57:00.000-05:00

As a working mom being able to multi-task is a life saver for me. I've always been good at juggling lots of things and it has paid off for me in the working world. I can handle needing updates yesterday on 10 web sites without blinking an eye! It is one of my strong points.

However, the holidays put it to a test. Actually...it breaks! LOL Pulling of a successful Christmas for my three year old son and making my house a place to celebrate on top of all the work things I need to do at the end of the year, pushes my multi-tasking skills. All of the stuff to do for Christmas is a juggling act in itself...cards to design and mail, presents to buy and wrap, decorations to hang, etc. Here's a couple of tips that I've found help me manage the juggling act of working full-time, being a mom and being in charge of Christmas.

Christmas cards: I keep a spreadsheet with all the updated addresses so I can mail merge labels and stick them on to mail out quick. I order photo cards from one of the online photo services. I make sure to put my greeting and the date on the card so I don't have to write anything...they can go in the envelope quickly!

Presents: another spreadsheet helps me manage my gift list. I keep up with what I want to buy, what has been purchased, how much things cost to keep me within a budget. I also mark what has been delivered and wrapped. I do most of my shopping online. That way I don't have to spend too much time in the store with my "I want that" crazed three year old son.

Laugh lots! I've found that enjoying Christmas, even with the insanity, through the eyes of my son is the best way to enjoy the season. We sing Christmas songs together, talk about the presents for him and others under the tree and laugh together as we shop in the stores. It is a great way to de-stress Christmas.

I'll post more tips as I remember them!!!
Beth Ann

Pulling off a Holiday

2006-12-17T16:56:00.000-05:00

We'll be blogging about the tips and tricks we use to pull off all that we have to do during the holiday season. At least...we hope to!! :)

Happy Holidays,
Real Working Mom Staff

Support for Working Moms who are Breastfeeding and/or Pumping

2006-12-14T11:08:00.000-05:00

There's a thread devoted to this on our RealWorkingMom.com bulletin boards. If you're looking for tips or advice on pumping or breastfeeding while working--or if you have some tips or advice to share, please check it out:

http://realworkingmom.proboards106.com/index.cgi?board=workissues&action=display&thread=1149267328

Best Breast Decision...for me

2006-12-12T12:08:00.000-05:00

Like so many others, I had no doubts that I would breastfeed my daughter. According to the barrage of information fed to me in my birthing class, in the “recommended” breastfeeding class, and in every pregnancy guide I seemed to pick up, there was no downside. Heck, you would save a small fortune by not buying formula, your child would be healthier, and there was that all-important bonding time. (Oh, and let’s not forget the bonus of losing the pregnancy pounds faster than formula-feeding mom’s.)

I felt I was fully equipped. After all, compared to most of my friends I was blessed with particularly generous boob-age. What could go wrong?

Well, somewhere in my blissful ignorance, I neglected to evaluate my nipple condition (apparently, too flat…not that I had ever received any complaints). I missed the stories about cracking and bleeding and dreading each feeding and the intense pain of it all. I didn’t hear anyone mention that the bonding experience might not be as positive if you fear having your infant’s mouth within a six inch radius of your breast.

What I did not miss from all the information presented to me is the sense of obligation to try, and the overwhelming guilt that came when, after only a week, I had to give in to the bottle. For my own emotional well-being, I needed to enjoy feeding time. When I gave her that first bottle, the realization that I could actually relax while feeding her was amazing to me – though the guilt continually fought its way to the surface and raised havoc with my already volatile post-partum hormones.

When child #2 came along, I decided that I would not try. I wanted to be able to appreciate every feeding…especially during the first week of his life. I also realized that there was no way on earth that my displaced and jealous almost-two-year-old was going to give me any time to mess around with inefficient breast-time.

Do I wish that I could have made it work – and then battled with Management to find a private corner of the office? In some ways…yes. But I can also appreciate that by taking care of my emotional health (and physical – lest I forget the cracking/bleeding portion of the program), I have been able to be a happier parent for my kids. My decision is certainly not right for everyone, but ultimately, it was right for me.

Kathy+2

The Hardest Most Rewarding Job

2006-12-08T23:04:00.000-05:00

I never imagined that I wouldn't breastfeed my children. I assumed it was something that would come naturally to me. I was completely unprepared. I sought out no support, and little education. No one at the hospital where I delivered helped me, I got one visit from a lactation consultant who told me I was doing fine. Looking back, knowing what I know now, I can tell you I most certainly was not doing fine.
We struggled, my son and I, from the day he was born. Misinformed that a csection mommy could only use the "football hold" (we had latch problems) that a baby eats every 3 hours (No one told me I should nurse on demand, even if that was every hour) or showed me how to use the pump I'd rented ("you'll only need that if you get engorged)

We lasted 3 weeks. The pump sat in the corner of my living room for 37 long days, collecting dust and rubbing salt in a very raw wound.

I saw moms nursing their children and I would cry. I got the occaisional dirty look when giving my son a bottle at the mall and wanted to scream "I TRIED". The feelings of failure and dissapointment didn't fade easily. 3 years later they are still with me.

When I became pregnant with my daughter, I was determined to give breastfeeding every effort I could. I would try harder. I would dedicate more time to building my supply. I would do nothing but nurse night and day if that's what it took, never leaving her side. I'd take the supplements, drink gallons of water, I would make it at least 6 months. 6 months would be amazing!

My sweet baby spent the first 24 hours of her life in the NICU, having swallowed fluid on her way out. Strike 1 against breastfeeding. Laying in bed recovering from a second csection, I asked for a pump before I even saw a picture of my new baby girl. I watched the clock, pumping every hour. I wept when the nurses insist she have a bottle before leaving NICU (they did agree to let me nurse her first). Strike 2 for breastfeeding.

Complications seperated us again at day 6, and she went home with Daddy while I stayed in the hospital. Strike 3 for breastfeeding.

Yet we overcame. Back at home she was nursing like a champ, and I couldn't have been happier. When I couldn't keep up with her, the occaisional bottle of formula crept in, and before I knew it we were supplementing with formula about 50 of the time. I was, and am, completely OK with that. She got all the benefits of breastmilk, and I never had to stress if she was getting enough.

I know we wouldn't have made it long if I hadn't kept my son in daycare part time on my maternity leave. The hours when he was at school not only gave me time to have 1-on-1 with my daughter, it allowed me to have a much more productive pumping schedule to help increase my supply.

I went back to work when my daughter was 11 weeks old. Carving out time to pump was difficult, I felt guilty for stealing away for my "breaks", especially when people asked where I was going.

Our office has no rooms without windows, so I pumped in my car in the parking garage. It wasn't too bad, I tried to bring work with me whenever possible. I pumped 3 times a day at work, for 15 minutes. With setup, that's 20 minutes. It's a long time to be gone.

There were a couple incidents where people walked up on me in my car. That was pretty embarrasing. One opened the passenger door and I'm pretty sure he was more embarrassed than I was. I was always well covered, but having to explain what I was doing to coworkers was an experience I could have lived without.

I continued to pump until my daughter was just over 5 months old. As my supply dwindled, those marathon sessions with the pump, the endless bowls of oatmeal, gallons of water, bottles of supplements came to and end. When a last ditch effort of a prescription for Reglan left me nearly falling asleep at my desk, I knew it was time to close down the dairy.

Our family is complete, there will be no third child to see if I can do better next time. I'm OK with that, and both grateful for & proud of sucess I had the second time around.

Sometimes I wonder: If I wasn't working, would I have been able to keep breastfeeding longer? Then I look at my crazy 3 year old as he bounces off the walls and say to myself, "who am I kidding, I got more breaks at work then HE would have ever given me!"

Breastfeeding & The Working Mom: No Lies

2006-12-07T06:20:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to lie. Breastfeeding is tough work. Working or not. It takes a lot of commitment and determination to make it work. The difficulty is magnified when you are trying to work full-time and breastfeed too. Pumping is no fun!!1

Breastfeeding got off to a rocky start with both my boys because they were severely jaundice and spent about a week under the billirubin lights which interfered with getting started. With my first, it was a constant struggle to try not to have to supplement when he came home. It seemed like he was eating every hour and I was totally exhausted. By week three, I was ready to quit. I felt defeated :(. Thank goodness I had an understanding husband who said it was my call and when I was ready to do what I felt right. I stopped at that point since I knew it would be very hard with my job to continue in a couple weeks when I returned to work. I felt guilty of course because that's what we mothers do best: feel guilty. He was rarely sick and I was happy.

With my second, I was determined to make this work for at least a little while longer. I would breastfeed him and then supplement as needed afterwards for the first 6 weeks. This allowed him to sleep longer and me be happier too. Being very relaxed about it made the whole process much easier. Plus I felt success just making it past the 3 week point I had stopped at with #1.

Going back to work changed that relaxed mode quickly. Although we have a lactation room in our building, there is no discussion with managers about allowing time for pumping. In an effort to try not to seem like I was less of an employee because I was a mother, I constantly felt like I was sneaking around to go and pump, that I was rushed and the phone always seemed to ring just as I was about to go do it or meeting was called for that time of day. I started trying to do it twice a day which quickly dwindled to once at lunch time which just wasn't enough to keep my supply up and I always felt rushed at work. After about 3 weeks of this, I decided to only breastfeed in the mornings and evenings and on the weekends and stop pumping. I felt like this was a tremendous weight lifted off me. I could relax at work again.

Home was still a little stressful trying to breastfeed with a preschooler running around and working on potty training. Never failed everytime we sat down to breastfeed, he'd have to go to the bathroom. Jealousy?? Maybe but we managed. This lasted until my little guy was about 5 months old when he just seemed to lose interest in breastfeeding when he had a bad cold. My supply started to quickly dwindle and I thought ok I'm going to stop. I felt like it was the right time for us. Of course, still felt guilt (I am a mom you know) but it felt like the right decision for me and my son.

Breastfeeding is not simply one size fits all for all mothers and their children. There are a lot of options and everyone needs to find the right fit for themselves and their families. Only you can decide what is right.

Breastfeeding and the Working Mom

2006-12-06T09:51:00.000-05:00

Being that I will be embarking on my second go-round as a breastfeeding and working mom in a couple of months, now is a great time to reflect on my experiences as a first time mom. When I was pg with my daughter, I had decided that I wanted to try breastfeeding and set a goal for myself for a year. But I wasn't totally committed to it; if it worked, it worked, if not, I would give her formula. I didn't purchase a pump in advance. I wanted to make sure this breastfeeding thing "took" before shelling out a couple of hundred bucks on a high quality pump. Well, bf'ing ended up being pretty easy for me and I quickly became 100% committed. Once I bought that pump, I decided that I was going to do whatever it took to provide my daughter with breastmilk for the first year...I was going to get every penny out of that pump!

It turned out that pumping did not come nearly as easily as straight-up breastfeeding. I had supply issues almost from the beginning. My dd was a little piggie and I just couldn't keep up. Believe me, I tried EVERYTHING. Here are the ones I can remember off-hand:

I ended up having two pumps - long story - and kept one in the car. I pumped on my hour drive to and from work, LOL!
I pumped two or three more times per day in the office.
I looked at pictures of my daughter while I pumped.
I took Fenugreek & Blessed Thistle.
I ate oatmeal every day.
I drank SOOOO much water I really should've floated away.
I drank a special tea.
I used warm moist compresses & massaged my bb's before pumping.
I used the 10-10-10 pumping method (10 minutes pumping, 10 off, 10 on again).

In the end, I had to supplement with formula anyway, and initially, I felt like a failure. I got over that, though, and I did manage to reach my goal of pumping until she was a year old. I was really lucky to have a private office where I could pump and continue to work, so I felt that I had no excuse to not perservere. I actually continued to nurse my daughter in the evenings and on weekends until she was 2...I tried the child-directed weaning thing, but I think she would've continued nursing until she was in kindergarten, so I did end up cutting her off after age 2.

This time around, I've got a wait & see attitude again. I am committed to breastfeeding, but I don't want to put as much pressure on myself as far as pumping goes. I think I got every penny and then some out of those pumps the first time around! I felt with my first that my life revolved around that pump, and I don't want to end up fantasizing about smashing it to smithereens with my car when I'm done with it. I plan to do the best I can but not go overboard. Ha ha, we'll see. "Overboard" is my middle name!

Resources that were useful for me as a breastfeeding/pumping/working mom -

www.kellymom.com - The BEST resource for all things breastfeeding, in my humble opinion.

http://boards.babycenter.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?webtag=bcus1202053 - A great board to post questions or read about others' experiences as pumping moms. This was a great resource for me when I was new to being a pumping mom.

Being a working mom and breastfeeding

2006-12-04T11:16:00.000-05:00

Some days I wonder why I've done this to myself. I guess I knew in my heart that if I was a stay-at-home mom, I would've tried to breastfeed my kids for at least a year. And I never wanted them to lose anything because I'm working.

I hadn't made up my mind to do this when my first child was born. I was still trying to figure the whole motherhood thing out. In the back of my mind, I thought I'd at least breastfeed for the first three months and then do my best to breastfeed in the mornings and evenings, while instructing daycare to give the baby formula during the day. But a month into my maternity leave, I realized this was something important, something that came easily to me, and something I should continue for my baby. So the research began. I spent A LOT of money on a high-quality pump and I swallowed my pride and talked to my boss about giving me a place at work to pump. I'm lucky because not only do I have an understanding employer, but I live in a state which legally requires employers to give moms the time and place to pump if they want it. So there was one hurdle overcome.

I struggled with my supply, as many pumping moms do. For the first six months, I set my alarm for 2 a.m. so I could get up in the middle of the night to pump and have enough milk to send with the baby during the day. I also pumped twice times during the work day, in the morning and at lunch. I would breastfeed right before we left in the morning, right after I picked the baby up in the afternoon (I was only working 7-hour days). I HATED pumping. But somehow I did it. On her first birthday, I packed that pump up!! I continued breastfeeding in the mornings and evenings for another month or so, until my supply was gone.

Now I am breastfeeding my second child. I think it's harder this time and I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because I'm also caring for a preschooler and am more exhausted. Perhaps it's because this childbirth was a c-section and seemed to get me off to a rocky breastfeeding start. Perhaps it's because this baby didn't sleep through the night until 8 months old so I was unable to do the 2 a.m. pumping session. But I have struggled with my supply throughout the months. I pump twice during the day and once before bed. I've been on a near-constant regimen of fenugreek and feel like I'm permanently cursed to smell like maple syrup. Yet this time, the baby still requires 1-2 bottles of formula a day. And that makes me feel like I'm somehow failing, which I know is ridiculous. But I'm doing the best I can.

Being a breastfeeding and working mom has been so tough, but there have been many rewards. Both my children have had minimal illnesses their first year. I've gotten to enjoy that special breastfeeding bond. I've saved money on formula. I guess I'll never know if it was the "best" thing to do or if I only kept up with it because I'm so stubborn! But either way, I somehow made it work. I applaud all moms who give it a try!

Gratitude

2006-12-02T00:40:00.000-05:00

Some years I have to stop and really focus on what I'm thankful for. Sometimes life gets so stressfull, so overwhelming, that I have to force myself to stop and remember all the good things. Thanksgiving was that day.

I am so grateful for the health of my children. Following the stories of so many kids fighting for their lives reminds me just how grateful I should be.

I am grateful for my husband. As I watch 3 friends struggle with the decision of leaving a relationship that is destructive, I'm so incredibly thankful that I found such an amazing partner to walk through this life with.

I'm grateful for my job. For the people I work with and the contributions I'm given the opportunity to make every day. So many people don't like what they do, I am so lucky.

I'm grateful for the twist of fate that brought me together with some amazing friends through the web. If you'd told me 4 years ago that the spine of my support system as a mother would come from a group of women I met on the web I would've laughed in your face. But it's true. I don't know what I did to deserve being an Aug 03 mom, to have found the group of mommies that are now such a part of my circle, but I am forever thankful that I did.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Aftershock

2006-11-29T15:25:00.000-05:00

As much as it pains me to admit it, the days following Thanksgiving jar me into a harsh reality that, for 11 months out of the year, I try to avoid. Holiday shopping. The countdown of the final few weeks to figure out an appropriate and affordable gift for family members, friends, daycare providers, some coworkers, etc. etc. really places undue pressure on the perpetual procrastinator that I am proud to be.

OK, so waiting until the last minute is not ideal – especially with two young children who accompany me on almost every shopping trip – but it is EXCITING – and for me, much more efficient. If I have weeks to labor over what to get my cousin’s kids – who I see once a year and whose ages I can only approximate – then I will take weeks to decide. If I have two days left before I am going to see them, rest assured I will make a speedy decision.

Truth be told, as I get older, I do need the constant reminder of pending holidays. If I was not bombarded with a constant barrage of Christmas music, or faced with dazzling displays of decoration, I might forget to add a gift for my aunt’s second husband’s daughter from his first marriage to my shopping list.

Or, at the very least I would not have so many opportunities to experience the magic of the holiday season as seen through the eyes of my children.

I am grateful that no matter how many times we drive past the house with the inflatable Santa, they are always amazed. Looking for houses with lights on them has become an activity for the commute home - which saves me from listening to the same Barney CD and allows me to have some great conversations with my 3 year old. Trips to the store with the kids become much more enjoyable when we can take a break from shopping and play with the reindeer, snowmen, dogs, penguins (yes, penguins), and Santa’s who sing and dance when you squeeze their hand.
As hard as this holiday season is – because it is my first as a truly single parent – I will be forever thankful that my children are able to renew my excitement and share their fascination with me. Maybe this year, I will even be inspired to start shopping a few weeks in advance.

posted for Kathy+2

Thankful????

2006-11-28T21:38:00.000-05:00

Some days I look at my overstressed life, running here and there from work to home with a crazed three year old and almost toddler in tow, and I think OMG. What can I possibly be thankful for as my preschooler is throwing a fit in the grocery store and everyone is staring at us like I'm a monster with an uncontrollable brat and I am feeling defeated and just plain worn out?

Then at the end of the day, as I'm putting the boys to bed and getting my nightly hugs and kisses, I stop. This is when I remember why I am so thankful. I have two wonderful boys who are healthy (minus the never ending colds and eczema but healthy) and happy. Add in a husband who loves me, a great mom and brother [don't tell him I said that ;)], a job that pays the bills, and a comfortable home. Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for.

Having worked a great deal with Friends of Allie and The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, I've seen a lot of families that are thankful for so much less than I have. Thankful for just one more day with their precious child who clings to life battling blood cancer. Thankful for simple gestures of strangers signing their guestbooks. Thankful for a blood donor who took the time to donate so their child could have the transfusion they desperately need. Thankful to God for giving them their precious child to love, even if for far too brief a time on this earth.

Yes, I'm very thankful for it all. As I give those hugs and kisses each night, it is abundantly clear how truly blessed I really am. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Thankful

2006-11-25T22:52:00.000-05:00

Some random things I'm thankful for...

my family -- even though sometimes I want to move miles away from my extended family. :)
my son -- he brings me such joy and helps me to see the happy things in life
the Internet -- an amazing resource at my fingertips and a place where I've found great friends

I enjoy following the Simple Abundance daybook. One of the things recommended in that book is to list out what you are thankful for every night. It helps you to recognize the good things that are present in your life. Take a few minutes to look around and take notice of the good things in your life.

Beth Ann

BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE

2006-11-22T11:28:00.000-05:00

As a totally stressed-out working mother, there are days when I am exceptionally thankful that I can go into the office and escape the constant barrage of whining and sibling rivalry. But then I think…and I realize that I have just traded in the children’s antics for the world of adult complaints and competition. Cubicle life would be much more interesting if I could send a few people to the naughty spot when they behave disrespectfully, or tell them that they need to “use a nice voice” when they are whining because they “neeeeed it NOW.” OK, so maybe what I am really thankful for is that life with my children has provided me with a higher threshold for tolerating such immature behavior from my coworkers.

At the moment, there are many other things about my children for which I am grateful. I am grateful that my 18 month old ds has an adventurous spirit and, apparently, some genetic material directly linking him to a mountain goat. How else would I have learned that even the sofa can launch a weapon of mass destruction when it propels a toddler toward the entertainment center? Or that it takes precisely one rolling toy with a toddler perched atop of it to give me the ability to leap over a mountain of books, blocks, and dolls in a single bound to prevent the head injury that is the inevitable result of the rolling toy’s being set in motion.
I am grateful that, at three years old, my daughter is rapidly developing an independent spirit. She knows what she wants and will go to all lengths in an attempt to secure her position….by taking her brother hostage and threatening to hug him around the neck until he slips into unconsciousness, or simply torturing anyone within 20 yards with an ear-piercing shrill that I firmly believe seeks out the spinal cord, travels up toward the brain, and damages the neurons that control patience and resolve. Thankfully, I have developed superior negotiating skills (or, more accurately, the ability to demand immediate release of my son) and a defense mechanism which allows me to selectively block out the frequency and volume of the sound waves she emits when she transforms into a banshee.

There are so many things for which I am truly thankful. I am thankful for the days that I can appreciate the challenges offered by my kids and retain a sense of humor. I am grateful that I can provide them all the nurturing and love they need while demonstrating to them the satisfaction of using my intellect and skills to have a successful career. Most of all, I am thankful that I am a mother – it is truly the greatest gift I have ever received and one that I will certainly cherish forever.

--Kathy

Thankful Working Moms

2006-11-21T18:42:00.000-05:00

Join us as we discuss what we are thankful for here at RealWorkingMom.com.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Beth Ann

It Takes Two

2006-11-08T23:31:00.000-05:00

When my husband and I got married, we vowed to have a marriage based on equality. And we were pretty good at it, or so we thought. Any relationship involves a steady balance of give and take, but I never fully realized this until we had our first child.

When it was just the two of us, it was okay that I cooked and did the majority of the cleaning. He handled the car and outdoor maintenance, so it worked out well. But add a baby into that mix and things have to change. There are so many littles things that babies need that you just don't think about until it's right there in front of you! We muddled through while I was on maternity leave, but it was a different story when I went back to work. For some reason, my husband didn't understand that he needed to pitch in with dinners, housework, baby care, baby play, etc. And I went along every night, doing it myself, muttering insults under my breath, utterly exhausted from a full day of work, a short night of sleep, and the heavy guilt of a working mom.

This went on for about 2 months before I lost it. He was sitting on the couch watching TV one night after she had gone to bed, while I was up washing bottles, washing dishes, and organizing things for the next day. I looked at him and just started bawling. He was shocked and stunned, of course, because he had no idea what I had been harboring for so long! I was shocked and stunned that he hadn't picked up on it and tried to help out. Such is the story of men and women. Lesson learned.

So from that point on, we laid out duties as 50/50 as we could. I told him where I needed his help, and he tried to take on things without being told. He did need direction at first (and many reminders along the way), but it didn't take too long before we were on track and things were running somewhat smoothly. The best thing I ever did was leave baby alone with daddy, on their own, at least once per month. It took a lot of courage for us both, but after the first successful day, it got easier for us all. And, it prepared us all for when the next baby came along. Because when that baby came along, I realized that parenthood could actually get harder than it already was. Two young children, both needing/wanting attention, can wear a person out. Organizational skills had to be honed, especially while working. In some ways, it was an easier transition because my husband and I had already gone through the "who does what" trials, and he stepped right up to help out. But we hit bumpy roads along the way from time to time. Baby #2 is only 8 months old and we still hit potholes. I would like to complain about his lack of intuition, his laziness, his complete misunderstanding of what it's like to be a mommy (a working mommy at that). But really, I can't. He's a great dad and he's come a long way. He doesn't bat an eye when I ask him to do something for one or both of the kids, and he actually does take the lead on getting baths or getting them ready for bed at times. He drives me crazy a lot, and he still has bouts of cluelessness, but I know I have it pretty good. I have to remind myself of that a lot, but it's true.

I have several single parent friends and I honestly look at them in awe for what they do everyday, virtually on their own. I know what a precarious balance it is in our house, with two parents to split the duties. I cannot imagine doing it on my own, day after day. So when I want to throttle my husband for the times that he slacks in helping out, I try to remember that he's there. And 90% of the time, he tries.

Do I really expect too much????

2006-11-08T19:08:00.000-05:00

I know I'm a perfectionist but I don't really think I expect that much. Why is everything left for mommy to do?????

I had surgery recently so daddy got a taste of what it's like to be mommy and he didn't like it one bit. He complained the whole weekend and I was only out of commission for like 3 days and the 4th day I started helping out. Being a mommy is hard work!!!!

Each week involves working 40 hours/week, picking the boys up from my moms or daycare, multiple loads of laundry (washing and folding), touch up cleaning (thank goodness we finally sprang for a cleaning service 1X/month), grocery shopping, putting dishes in and taking them out of the dishwasher, giving bathes, packing lunches, getting things ready to go for the next morning, feeding the boys dinner, making sure my little one gets his medication 2x/day, and putting both kids to bed. I take care of party planning, phone calls, and all the other miscellaneous household things that seem to arise on a daily basis. I'm exhausted at day's end and it's just expected for mommy take care of whatever needs taking care of.

I will say my husband is good about getting the boys up in the morning and getting my oldest to school 2 days/week then watching them in the morning and dropping them off with my mom around lunch before he goes to work. I know that is more than a lot of dads do. Occasionally he'll even clean up after himself or run the vacuum but it's few and far between and then he wonders why I'm tired and crumpy. He also takes out the trash once a week and mows the lawn in the summer once a week if I'm lucky (I absolutely refuse to do this stuff because I know if I did it, it would become another of my long list of responsiblities.)

My X-pectations

2006-11-06T21:51:00.000-05:00

Nobody said it was going to be easy to navigate the waters of divorce; steering two young minds toward adulthood, but is it really too much to expect that both parents would at least be headed in the same general direction?

My journey has just begun, and I am already finding that my efforts to keep things afloat require constant vigilance to avoid having the X sink my battleship.

On the most basic level, prompt payment of child support should not be too much to ask. For working moms who rely on daycare providers, the cost of having a job is not cheap. Add on the financial responsibility for maintaining a separate household, and unless you have a very well-paying job or win the Powerball jackpot, the child support money is truly important. I am not sure why my X is under the impression that child support allows me to afford frequent trips to the day spa, fine dining, and all of life’s luxuries because there are days when I am lucky to fit in a shower and a dinner of mac & cheese. Clearly he thinks my dinghy is a yacht.

While I am struggling to paddle upstream, the X seems to feel that visitation is the time to break out the party boat. Good times and overindulgence prevail. My efforts to provide my children with a minimal amount of junk food and a good night’s sleep get tossed overboard. Sticking out your tongue and bouncing a ball off of your sibling’s head are party games. I understand the whole “trying to make up for lost time” and “guilt” issues that come into play for the X; however, he is missing the boat by trying to be a pal when he should be a parent. If he really wants to do what is best for his kids, he needs to stand up for what is right, do the work, and help them learn to steer themselves in the right direction.

There are countless ways that I wish my X would change as a parent. I would like us to be united in our efforts to raise our children in such a way that they will become responsible, caring, hard-working, and happy adults. Then again, if I really thought the X would turn into an A+ kind of guy, I might still be docked in a port of marital bliss.

Kathy+2

Expectations of the "Daddy"

2006-11-06T15:38:00.000-05:00

While I have many-a-vent about my husband, I have to say that lately, he has been really wonderful about helping out with me being a working Mom. One of the hardest thing for me is getting out the door in the morning. For example, this morning I needed 2 breakfasts packed, 1 lunch for kids, lunch for me, gym bag, sheet for each kid, blankie for each kid, 1 stuffed animal, coffee mug, keys, purse, sunglasses, check for daycare, and a replenishment of spare clothes for the kids. Needless to say, without a lot of organization, it would take me hours to get out the door!

My dh has really been wonderful about the mornings. We (he) does a lot of the prep the night before for lunches - but he gets up, packs 4 lunch bags (for the kids, himself, and me) and put ALL of the above items in the car for me. He leaves for work before me, but this allows me to focus on JUST getting the kids dressed and out the door in the morning.

It's really wonderful to have it all ready - I am so lucky... and I have been sure to tell him how much I appreciate it - it makes my mornings go so much more smoothly!

Amy

Expectations of our partners in parenthood -- "the Daddy"

2006-11-06T15:24:00.000-05:00

This week we'll be taking our vents public!! We are going to blog about what we expect from our husbands/SO/Ex-husbands -- our partners in parenthood -- the Daddy.

Enjoy!
Beth Ann

Horror Movie or Disney Picture?

2006-11-03T09:14:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up Halloween was October 31st. It did not matter if it fell on a Friday night, allowing the late-night prowlers to sleep-in or on a Sunday night before a harsh Monday morning of school.

Somewhere along the line, some towns decided that it was unnecessary to celebrate the holiday on the 31st. I had heard rumors of such a thing, but it was only as I drove home on Monday (later than usual because a traffic accident forced a detour) that I realized that my town was one of the culprits. So there I sat, October 30th, with medieval costumes in hand for my two munchkins, having missed trick or treating in my neighborhood.

The quest began. Calling friends, checking local newspapers on the web in a desperate attempt to salvage the holiday for my kids (well, truth be told it was really for me – I don’t give them the candy, I just wanted the photo ops). Much to my dismay, my holy grail of trick or treating ended up in the ex-husband’s neighborhood.

My first Halloween as a single mom and I was faced with the horror of Halloween’s past – with one catch. I summon up the best positive attitude I could muster for the sake of my kids and go to HIS HOUSE. I walk in and continue to try to focus on how much it might mean for him to be a part ofthis kid-oriented holiday and how, down the road, my little ones mayappreciate that I tried to include their father. Unfortunately, lurking in a dark corner of his living room was one of his ex-girlfriends and her daughter.

I stifled the scream, shot a murderous look at my ex and assured myself that I would survive “The Attack of the Ex’s Ex-Girlfriend.” Fortunately, I had arrived armed – with self esteem – looking pretty damn good in the costume I had worn to work that day. I kept my best plastic smile on my face as the entire Ex group ventured out trick or treating, and focused on enjoying the amazement in my children’s eyes as they saw an array of costumes on the masses walking the neighborhood…the surprise as they realized that they were getting candy from strangers – and all they had to do was dress up and say a few words.

Looking back, all that is important is that my kids experienced the wonder of Halloween. They did not care who they had to share the holiday with (the more, the merrier, I think). They were happy just to be doing something new and exciting.

My horror movie was their Disney picture. Thank goodness I have them to remind me of what is important.

Kathy+2
Real Working Mom Guest Blogger

Our First Adventure in Trick or Treating

2006-11-02T18:35:00.000-05:00

Wow!!!! This year was our first year with our three year old trick or treating and it was SO MUCH fun!!!!!!!!!!! We got already then waited for daddy to get home from work. As soon as he walked in the door we turned him around and started out.

My son was so excited just to be out in the neighborhood ringing doorbells but when he found out that they gave him candy too: he was ecstatic!!! After each house, he would ask if it was time to go home yet and when we said no not yet, he would smile a big smile and say, thanks. My 1 year old had a great time too collecting candy even though he can't eat it and has no idea what it is. He had a death grib on his bucket the whole night and gave everyone smiles.

I couldn't believe how warm it was. We had to shed a layer or two.

The perfect night!!

Here is my super superman and cuddly duck:

My Batman!

2006-11-01T15:33:00.000-05:00

Well, Batman won the battle of the Halloween costume. Here's my adorable son as Batman. I did have to fight off a last minute request to be a magician though! I think he saw another child at daycare dressed up as a magician with a wand and a cape which interested him!!

Halloween was crazy. I got to work early and then skipped lunch too so I could leave early to get to our Halloween party before it was too dark to Trick or Treat. We made it in plenty of time...thanks to a flexible schedule!!! Batman and his cousin's had a blast Trick or Treating.

Hope you had a great Halloween.
BA

Halloween is here...still debating the costume!

2006-10-31T16:02:00.000-05:00

It is my fault really. I shouldn't buy other costumes at the thrift store to tempt him with! I found a Spiderman that was too big, a Jake Justice Rescue Hero (policeman) without the cap that sort of fits, and an Star Trek officer out fit that is way too big. I'm still pushing Batman but Jake Justice may win out. I'll post a picture to let you see the final winner!

I'm leaving work early to get to our party before dark. It has been a long day since I came in early and worked through lunch. I'm ready to trick or treat.

Happy Halloween!

Costume 4 was the winner...Spiderman

2006-10-28T01:37:00.000-04:00

Honestly, if they're out of a costume, why don't they take it off the wall? My sweet son is still telling everyone he's going to be a pirate, I'm assuming because he doesn't remember they were all out of pirates!

This is the first year we are taking the kids trick or treating. I'm excited!

Halloween, who says it's just for kids?

2006-10-19T14:47:00.000-04:00

As Halloween approaches, I am getting truly excited. I think more so that my son who just turned 3. I mean how much fun is it getting your children dressed up (once they finally picked out a costume, with a little convincing from mommy ;-) ) taking them around the neighborhood, then coming home at the end of the night and sitting on the floor checking all the "loot". It just brings back childhood memories of my own. I always looked forward to Halloween and now that I have children, I hope to see my own children get as excited as I was as a child. Want to do something else fun together? Here are some free coloring pages to print out. http://tinyurl.com/ykewch

Choosing a costume

2006-10-18T10:43:00.000-04:00

So, who decides on a pre-schooler's costume: Mommy or Child!? My son is going to be Batman. He has started asking to be the green Power Ranger but I'm ignoring that! The Power Rangers are not mommy's favorite. LOL I don't know why...Batman and Spiderman are just as violent.

I found the Batman costume at a consignment sale earlier this month. So, I keep bringing it up ad getting him excited about being Batman. I hope it works and I'm not out trying to find a Red or Green Power Ranger the day before Halloween!

Halloween is Quickly Approaching

2006-10-16T06:07:00.000-04:00

Well, Halloween is quickly approaching. All the little ghouls and gobblings are getting ready for their yearly raid.

Yesterday we went looking for a costume for my three year old. Yikes!!!!! First we went to one of those Halloween SuperStores. Only advice: DON'T do it!!!! Everything was twice as much as it is everywhere else and they had a ton of the same thing. Needless to say, we left that store with no costume, carrying my son who was in tears because mean mommy wouldn't pay $40 for the same Superman costume I saw at Toys R Us for $30. So off to Toys R Us we go. Here we were able to find a Superman costume for $20 that I think looks more comfortable. [Plus many are on sale this week too :)]

This will be the first Halloween that I'm taking my son out Trick or Treating. I'm stressing already. The past three he's been happy to dress up and help mommy give out the candy but we know this isn't going to cut it this year. He's definitely got a case of the "greedy gimmies" and is already asking when he can go out and start asking for candy. Hello, where do they learn this stuff?????

In the next few weeks, we'll be sharing our thoughts and tips for making Halloween a fun event for the whole family.

Also after Halloween, we'd love for you to share your Halloween photos. If you'd like to share, you can e-mail them to us at webmaster@realworkingmom.com.

Here's my little vampire from last year:

New look to realworkingmom.com!

2006-10-15T22:55:00.000-04:00

We've worked hard the last few months to design a new look to our website. We just finished up the last page tonight and I launched the new version from my bathroom while my son took his bath! Gotta love wireless internet and a laptop. :)

Check out the site and comment here with your thoughts on our update! We hope the site will provide support to all the working moms out there on the 'net!

www.realworkingmom.com

Parenting and Extracurricular Activities

2006-10-13T12:01:00.000-04:00

My boys are still young and I'm already dreading the time when they begin extracurricular activities. I've heard the horror stories from my friends with older children of running one to one place only to jump in the car and drive the other to the other side of town and back again for pickup. I feel busy and overwhelmed now. How will I ever keep up with three busy schedules when one is sometimes too much? Yikes.

I did a little research and here are some advice from the experts:

Typical Day, What's That?

2006-10-13T09:10:00.000-04:00

Of course every weekday I try to keep a schedule (especially in the morning so I can attempt to get to work on time, LOL), but there are always variation (some planned, some not!).

Yesterday was especially exciting!
Here it is!

5:37 Alarm goes off and I am out of bed.
5:40 Throw together a pan of brownies for an office Birthday party that I forgot to prepare for the night before!
5:55 Get in shower
6:05 Make-up and dry hair a bit (just enough so it goes in the right direction, not in my face)
6:20 Make daughter's lunch
6:30 Get kids up (beg daughter to get out of bed!) Make sure DH is up so he can get himself ready.
6:45 Feed dogs and remind kids not to fight, they need to hurry up and eat!
6:55 Throw on clothes (hopefull they don't need ironed, no time!)
7:03 Tell kids breakfast is over (3 min. ago) whether they are done or not!
7:09 Tell kids to brush teeth, argue with daughter about how she wants to wear her hair (5 y.o. girls shouldn't care about this yet!)
7:10 Kids are dressed and I need to brush my hair and teeth and get shoes and kid's jackets on.
7:25 Out the door with my son, DH takes my daughter to her school
7:35 Drop off son, I'm doing well, might be close to on-time!
7:45 At the gas station I lock my keys in the car!!!! Guess I won't be on time!
I borrow a stranger's cell phone to call DH and he can't turn around to come help, he has an important meeting! He says his father will come help me. I have no cell phone or money, so I just stand there for an hour! Finally FIL comes with spare keys and I call work to let them know I'm not dead and will be there in 30 min! Note to self: memorize the combination lock to car! Or change it to something easy to remember!!!
9:35 Get to work, the day gets better, there is food in the office! Food always helps!
4:30 Leave work
4:50 DH calls and says he can pick up daughter and I remind him that he has to take kids to daughter's dance class so I can go to the PTT meeting at her school. He agrees, with no attitude! Yeah!!
5:00 Pick up son, anticipate report of bad behaviour from teacher (he is a 3 y.o. boy after all), but he "kept all his stickers" today (followed all the rules)!!! Yeah!!!! Good thing I have some sugar free gum on hand to reward him!
Of course he promptly swallows it (only 1/2 stick)!
5:10 Home. Help daughter get into her dance clothes, make sure she washes up and goes potty. Give both kids a banana and strap them into DH's truck to go to dance class.
5:30 Peace and quiet! I am in the house alone, it is almost weird! I unload the dishwasher and load the breakfast dishes in it. Warm up a left over baked potato to eat on my way to PTT meeting.
5:55 Stop at Walmart to PU pictures that are in, then run to library to return books (not even overdue yet, doing good!)
6:29 Pull in to the school, not even late!
7:20 Home. Kids are finishing McDonald's, have to tell son he can't lick the caramel (apple dippers) from the little container because it will spill down the front of him, he does it anyway!
7:30 Feed dogs
7:45 Bath for kids (15 min behind schedule, but what's new)
8:30 Put son to bed, read book, he cries because he wants to read it again. Tell him "NO" and DH comes in to kiss him goodnight.
8:45 Go in daughter's room to read to her. Try to get her to pull out front tooth which is so loose it is making me sick, but she whines and says, "Noooooooooo"! Then she remember she needs to take Halloween books to school tomorrow, so we find a couple of those (last minute of course!)
9:00 Lights out in daughter's room! Son is calling me, I tell him to "Go to sleep"!
9:15 Sit down at computer to read emails
10:00 Finish dishes, make coffee for tomorrow
10:15 Let dogs out one more time, go in bedroom to get ready for bed
10:30 Lay down to read / watch T.V.
4:00 a.m. Daughter wanders in to climb in bed with us.
4:30 a.m. I can't sleep, carry her in to her bed
4:45 a.m. Son yells for me, he has to pee, I help him even though I tell him he is big enough to do this without my help! Uggg!
5:37 Alarm goes off, day starts again! T.G. I. F.!!!

The excitement never ends!

RM

A Day in the Life

2006-10-04T10:40:00.000-04:00

Every day is a little different, but here's a typical schedule (my exact day this Monday actually):

5:15 - Baby is crying. Breastfeed in bed and pretend I'm still sleeping.

5:45 - Get out of bed, get myself ready but not dressed, eat breakfast.

6:30 - Get the kids up. The 3-year-old can dress herself with the clothes I picked out the night before. I breastfeed and dress the baby.

6:55 - Load the car with their daycare bag, my breast pump, etc.

7:00 - Get dressed.

7:05 - Discover that the baby has had a massive poop. Rush to change her.

7:10 - Start the dishwasher and leave the house.

7:11 - Get the kids in the carseat, crabby because we're running late as always.

7:20 - Arrive at daycare. Kiss my angels goodbye. Still feel a lump in my throat as I leave them every day.

7:35 - Arrive at work, 5 minutes late.

9:30 - Take a "break" to pump breastmilk.

12:30 - Lunchbreak (which I like to call "Pump and Munch")

4:05 - Get the heck out of there to go pick up my babies.

4:20 - Arrive at daycare, hug the kids, chat with the provider.

4:40 - Arrive home.

4:45 - Change clothes.

4:50 - Get older child a snack.

4:55 - Breastfeed baby, watch the tail end of Oprah.

5:15 - Start thinking about supper (assuming I wasn't organized enough to throw something in the crockpot that morning--which seems to happen a lot lately). Play with the kids on the floor, maybe read them some books. Try not to act as tired as I feel.

5:30 - Start making supper.

5:45 - Unload dishwasher while supper cooks.

6:00 - Try to eat while feeding baby spoonfuls of sweet potatoes. Give 3-year-old the evil eye for blowing bubbles in her milk.

6:30 - Clean up baby. Put her on the floor where she cries while I clean up 3-year-old, clean up kitchen and sweep floor so baby doesn't find 3-year-old's "leftovers."

6:45 - Husband gets home. Where has he been all my life?

6:50 - I take a shower while husband watches the kids.

7:05 - Family time.

7:10 - Get out the kids' clothes for the next day.

7:15 - Baby is very crabby so I dress her in her jammies and sit down to breastfeed her in the dark while my husband gives our older child a bath.

7:30 - Put baby to bed.

7:40 - Snuggle with 3-year-old.

8:00 - Husband puts 3-year-old to bed.

8:05 - We try to watch TV while I get things ready for the next day and he washes bottles.

9:00 - Grown-up time. Drink a beer, maybe watch an episode of "Six Feet Under" from Netflix.

10:00 - Go to bed.

10:05 - Talk.

10:10 - Husband is asleep.

10:15 - Even though I'm exhausted, I can't sleep so I read.

10:45 - Shut out my light and embrace sleep.

2:00 a.m. - Get up to feed baby.

5:15 a.m. - Start all over again.

I'm trying to fit working out back into my schedule. I'm thinking maybe 4:30 a.m.?

A Day In the Life of Me

2006-10-01T20:49:00.000-04:00

Being a working mom means going by schedules and routines as much as possible...At least it does in our house! I wouldn't say I am the most organized person I know, but I have my own system and it seems to work. So here is a typical day for us:

5:30am, daughter usually wakes up and wants to watch Winnie the Pooh. Unfortunately, the Disney Channel changed their early morning lineup and Pooh Bear is no longer on at that time. So there were a few days of fits over this. Not something I want to deal with at such an hour. Thankfully, in it's place is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and she seems to enjoy that. Once I get her settled, I hop in the shower. Sometimes my husband will get up with her and I get in the shower right away, and sometimes, on a wonderful rare day, she sleeps until 6am. On those days, I get up at about 5:40 to shower. My baby boy is a great sleeper and sleeps right through this.

6am, get everyone ready. I usually have to wake the baby at 6:20 to get him a bottle and then dressed. Tackling the 3 year old can be difficult on some mornings, but somehow we get out of there everyday by 6:50-7am.

7-7:10am, drop kids off at daycare. Get the baby settled with toys and the 3 year old with cereal.

7:30ish get to work. I only take a 30 minute lunch, in order to get off 30 minutes early.

4pm I'm out the door on my way to pick up the kids. I almost never stay late--my employer doesn't want us to, and frankly, I am staying there 1 minute longer than I have to.

4:30pm, get to daycare. Pick up the 3 year old first, then head to the baby room. We usually chat with the baby's teacher for a few minutes, just learning about his day, talking about anything that might have come up recently for him.

5ish, we get home and the fun begins! The 3 year old instantly wants milk, the baby wants some mommy time, and the dog wants to go outside. I have been trying to get dinners somewhat planned and prepared the night before, but that doesn't always happen. So this is the hour I am usually trying to juggle the baby, interact with the 3 year old, and get dinner going. My husband is often times home when we get home, in which case we tag team. The baby still likes a catnap when we get home, so there is a break for me to sit with him and let him fall asleep for 30 minutes.

6ish is dinner. Usually consists of fighting the 3 year old to even take bites of what was made, and trying to feed the baby his food fast enough to keep him satisfied.

6:30-7pm is bath time, every other night. Again, we usually tag team for this or I put the baby in his bath seat in the tub with the 3 year old (otherwise, he gets bathed in our big kitchen sink). If it's not bath night, we play.

7-8pm is getting ready for bed and doing some playing. Baby gets his bottle and is usually out not long after. 8pm is bedtime for the 3 year old and we always read a book before lights out. By 8:30, the house is quiet!

8:30-10pm is cleaning time. Bottles cleaned and prepared, dinner dishes done, laundry is usually on the list also. We fit in some favorite TV shows between tasks.

10pm is bedtime for me!

Now, there are times that things get a little off. For instance, the 3 year old and I just started a mommy and me swim class 2 evenings a week. They start right at our normal dinner time, so we are usually scrambling to get meals done. The baby stays home with daddy in order to keep his schedule somewhat the same.

Oh, and my husband goes out of town from time to time. Usually for a week at a time. When this happens, it's all about survival. So basically I do whatever I can to get food in tummies and kids in bed as close to their normal time as possible. We are usually exhausted by the end of the week. And I come of out of those weeks with an incredibly deep admiration for single moms who do it on a daily basis.

Taking a sick day

2006-09-30T22:21:00.000-04:00

6:00 AM - the alarm clock woke me up as usual. I beat it down for about thirty minutes and finally got up. I felt horrible so I decided to email my boss about a sick day.

8:15 AM - I get a call in to my doctor and get an appt for 1:30 PM. I hope to sleep until that time.

8:30 AM - I started back to bed. My husband was just getting up. However, my son was up so I decided to stay up a bit longer and get him to daycare. My husband was oblivious to how bad I felt. I got my son dressed with little help from my husband and then attempted to get my son to the car to leave. He wanted to stay home with me. I finally got him in the car with bribery of pancakes from McD's and the excitement of his show & tell with the letter A and his alligator toy.

9:15 AM - Arrive at daycare just as show & tell is ending. He got to show his alligator but it took many, many hugs to get out the door. I still was barely functioning.

10:00 AM - I get home and check work email to make sure things are okay. I have to handle several issues. No fun to have to work on my sick day. That is just the way it is.

11:00 AM - I finally go to bed. My husband is leaving for work. I ask him to call me by 12:30 PM so I can be up in time to go to the doctor.

12:20 PM - my husband calls but he has a flat tire on the interstate. So, I have to get up and go rescue him. His tire is shredded from running over something. He takes me to the doctor while he goes for a new tire.

1:30 PM - my doctor appt is fine -- he wants to know why I'm shedding so much hair! I tell him I don't know you are the doctor. He takes two vials of blood and gives me a shot in the butt and two RXs. I have to go back in a week.

2:15 PM - I call my husband to come back and get me. He is all the way across town at the second tire store. He says he'll come and get me.

3:00 PM - My husband finally picks me up. I enjoyed sitting in the sun outside the doctor's office because the office was FREEZING! (I'm never cold.) We drive all the way back across town to get his tire. He's stressed out because he needs to be in 45 minutes away before 5 PM to turn in an end of the month invoice to the city. So, we fly back to his truck and he replaces the tire. I catnap in the car this entire time.

4:00 PM - I leave my husband as the police drive up to see if we need help. Thanks for that late timing! I realize I haven't eaten all day so I go get fast-food. Then I pick my son up. I told my husband as I left him that he had to get home quickly because I needed to go to bed and felt terrible. I pick up my son. He doesn't want to leave the daycare because he can't find his one favorite rock on the playground. I don't have much patience but I finally get him in the car. I drop the RXs by on the way home. They'll be ready by 7 PM.

5:00 PM - I get home. I'm feeling worse than ever. I can barely even lay on the couch. My son does not care that I feel like hell. He wants to build a block tower and I'm supposed to help. It is the worst I have ever felt....at least that I can recently remember.

8:00 PM - My husband gets home. I tell him to go get my medicine and give my son his medicine and feed him. I go to bed and pass out.

10:30 PM - My husband walks in my room & turns on the light. He can't find my son's medicine. He also doesn't know the dosage. We've been doing this for three days now. Why doesn't he know these things? The instructions are printed on the bottles. I finally wake up enough to tell him and take my meds.

2:30 AM - My son wakes me up and gets in bed with me. We both go back to sleep.

4:00 AM - My son wakes me up wanting a glass of milk. I'm feeling somewhat better. Amazing with so little sleep. I go to the kitchen and make him a sippy cup with milk. He proceeds to pee on the kitchen floor. So, I clean up the floor and get new undies and the pullup over it. We both go back to bed. My son requires a story before he'll go back to sleep. We finally turn the lights off and go back to sleep. My husband sleeps through all of this.

8:00 AM - my son wakes up for the day. I get up with him. I feel so much better. We wake my husband up. I decide to not do anything I had scheduled and stay at home and rest. My husband says he'll get home early.

7:00PM - My husband gets home...not what I define as early! But, my son and I had a good day. We went to the park twice and played with his toys. We both are feeling much better. Thank God for sick days and good medicine.

A day in the life of a working mom

2006-09-30T22:20:00.000-04:00

Our current blog topic is "A day in the life of a working mom". We'll share our daily schedules with you. We'll wonder together how we get it all done!

Enjoy!

Benefits of a Working Mom

2006-09-18T11:26:00.000-04:00

Working for a small company certainly comes with its advantages and disadvantages when discussing whats important to myself and my family.

While my dh's company has the medical, dental and vision benefits the company I work for still offers vacation, paid holidays, 401K, short term disabilityand some flexability along with a real family business atmosphere.

I feel like flexability is a double edge sword. On one side when the kids are sick my boss knows that its important to me that I be there to take care of them. Or when I need to either come in late or leave early because maybe they're doing Muffins with Mom or a class party at my ds school. The other side of the sword is that there is NO flexability when it comes to working from home one or two days a week. Which is something that I've tried for over the years but just isn't feasible working in a small company.

Working Mom Benefits

2006-09-17T23:28:00.000-04:00

I recently re-entered the workforce after a year and a half hiatus. I feel blessed to have re-entered into a part-time job with great flexibility. My job is within the school system, and I only work 16 hours a week. I have mornings and Friday's off, as well as all school holidays.

I also receive medical benefits though my DH (dear husband), so that is not too much of a worry for us.

However, I will also do without some of the better benefits, such as good maternity leave and PTO. When I give birth in late Feb./early March, I will take off 6 weeks unpaid and hope we've got enough saved up by then!

I agree with the other mom's that we should all be offered great flexibility within our jobs, as well as the opportunity to work from home at least one day a week if it's within the companies power. Here's hoping more companies will open up to working mother's and work with them, not against them! *Raises glass*

Flexible Schedule

2006-09-17T20:06:00.000-04:00

I took advantage this week of one of the crucial benefits that I have...taking a personal day at the last moment. My son had his first field trip this week. I had planned not to go; but, he asked me the night before to go with him. He was so excited about being a big boy and he wanted his mother to be there with him to ride the bus for the first time. So, I emailed my boss and took a vacation day at the last second. I'm lucky to have that kind of flexibility and it is a benefit of my job that I rank very high.

Benefits that would be very nice!

2006-09-15T15:34:00.000-04:00

While I do appreciate the typical benefits offered by my company (health ins., dental ins., holidays, vacation, personal time, 401K, disability pay, flexible spending plans and supplemental life insurance) I do wish I had the option of flex time and / or telecommuting.

As a working mother these type of options would mean the world to me. Because I work 30 + minutes from home and because I occasionally travel for business it would be so nice to be able to do some of my work from home. That extra hour per day of driving really adds up and makes the day seem very long. I feel that as a salaried employee I should be trusted to do my job from home. I can do it from the road when I travel, right?

Many companies treat employees like they are important and valuable and some treat employees like they are lucky to have a job. I’m not sure where my company falls, but I often lean toward the latter.

RM

Employee Benefits All Working Moms Should Have

2006-09-12T23:17:00.000-04:00

Sure, there's your basic vacation days and healthcare. But what we also need can be summed up in one word: FLEXIBILITY. Employers out there need to realize that by allowing a working mom to be more flexible, they will make her a happier and more productive employee. At my company, I've seen more than one working mom quit to get more time with her family. And who can blame them? And dads can use flexibility too! I'd love to hear about companies that are embracing telecommuting, job sharing, flexible schedules, etc. I really hope it's the wave of the future.

What Benefits Are Most Important To Me

2006-09-12T06:39:00.000-04:00

Because my husband's company pays 100% of his healthcare, medical benefits are not an issue for me. We get all ours from his.

The benefit that is most important to me is flexible working hours and being able to work from home 1/2 day/week. I work at home Monday PM and have Friday PM off because I make up the hours during the week. This allows reduced childcare expenses and allows me more time with my boys. This has a lot of benefit in my book.

In the past, I've also used the tuition reimbursement. This allowed me to complete my MBA online which I'd have never been able to afford otherwise. It was a tremendous learning experience for me that I really treasure.

As a fellow working mom, I encourage you to take advantage of any benefits that you are offered like flexible spending accounts, tuition reimbursement, 401K. These are not fringe benefits, they are part of your total compensation and if you don't use them, you are not getting for full compensation for your work.

Here are some helpful articles:
Five Work/Life Benefits We All Should Have: And How to Get Them
Creating A Flexible Schedule
Moms Rising

Employee Benefits and the Working Mom

2006-09-11T21:27:00.000-04:00

One of the main reasons I work is for the benefit package. My DH (dear husband!) is self-employed so my job brings the benefits to my family. Healthcare is a major part of that package...especially now that I am a mother. The health insurance package has been a budget saver through a high-risk pregnancy, a complicated birth, and his infancy. Other benefits that are important are paid time off for sick leave and personal leave. I'm also able to work from home as needed and that flexibility is very helpful on those days when my son is sick and I can't find back-up childcare.

Comment here and on our bulletin board about what benefits are important to you as a working mom!

Real Working Mom: Birthday Parties

2006-08-18T20:13:00.000-04:00

We had a great party. He loved being the center of attention, that all his friends were there. The presents were almost irrelevant to him. I don't think we'll do present opening again next year, it was a bit distracting, like I was taking him away from his time with his friends. The bouncer was a great idea, an inexpensive way to keep the kids entertained for hours. We served pizza & salad, which was easy.

2006-08-04T00:47:00.000-04:00

Real Working Mom: Birthday Parties

I love that he is excited. I love that he gets it, he understand's it's his birthday, and he is eagerly awaiting the day.

I can't wait for him to see all his friends & cousins come to play ~ and of course eat his cake.

I don't love that he's already telling me he's 3, but I guess I better get used to it!!

Birthday Parties

2006-08-02T23:10:00.000-04:00

I just finished the parties for my son's third and my daughter's first birthday. We did a pool party and it went over great. We also did cake and presents for the kids on their individual birthdays (born 4 days apart). My 3 year old really loved having both the group attention and the individual attention.

It seems like each year the parties get more fun because he gets more and more excited and understands what birthdays are all about!

Birthday Parties

2006-08-02T14:09:00.000-04:00

Oh, the stress & joy of planning a party! My son's three-year old party is this weekend. We are doing a friends party with a Dora Pirate theme. He loves Dora! Every night for the last several months, he has wished on "little star" (from a Dora episode) that he could have cupcakes and presents. He keeps asking me if I’ve talked to the cupcake man about his party. So, that is what we are doing!

I've invited about 20 kids. The party place requires RSVPs, which are hard to get these days with busy parents! I have 11 that say they are coming with the potential for about 7 more! The price of the party covers 15 children. It costs $10 more per child if you go over. I guess will have to take that chance!

I'm excited about the party and hope that my son enjoys it. I am sure that he will. I'm also feeling just a bit guilty for being such an indulgent parent and being a bit extravagant with his party. The joys of motherhood...guilt comes with everything! :)

Vamanose! Let's party!!

Real Working Mom: In-Home Daycare

2006-08-01T22:03:00.000-04:00

Real Working Mom: In-Home Daycare
I struggled with the decision and gathered a lot of advice from friends, and eventually placed my son in an in-home daycare at 18 months. Our need for a daycare was sort of immediate (my mother & other family had previously watched my son). I discovered the following things were important to me:
1) I wanted my son (and later my daughter) close to my office. It gives me a comfort knowing they are less than a mile away. Whether it's going to visit at lunch or appeasing my earthquake fears, having them close by just makes me feel better.
2) I wanted my provider to be a mom. There are things you don't understand until you are a mother.
3) State Certification, Licenses etc were a must for me.

I found a wonderful daycare provider. We don't agree on everything but generally speaking she's a wonderful woman who loves my kids. She has 8 kids, including my daughter who is the youngest at 10 months old. They have a pretty good structure to their day, not as much as a center I'm sure, but my son has learned SO much there. And they are happy. I wish I was as happy to go to work everyday as my babies are to see their friends at "school".

I worry about the lack of backup, especially now that our daycare provider is pregnant. While she has never missed a day, I'm sure it's going to happy eventually. I'm lucky to have local family who can help in that case.

In-Home Daycare, pros and cons

2006-07-28T09:09:00.000-04:00

Well I grew up in a daycare home (my mom still runs a daycare out of her home) and I bring my children to an in-home daycare. I love it overall, but it definitely has its pros and cons. My daycare is very small. There are three families, six kids total. They range in age from 4 months to 5 years. My provider raised four kids of her own and has been in the daycare business for 15 years. She loves my kids and that makes me feel good.

What I love

My kids have the same teacher from day one. There is no trauma of moving up from the infant room to the toddler room with new friends and a new teacher.
It's a much more intimate setting than some of the larger centers.
It's like a 2nd home for them--literally. Their daycare provider is really like a third grandma.
My two kids are there together--they're not separated because of age differences.
Their daycare friends are a wide variety of ages.
More kids often equals exposure to more illnesses (although I don't always buy that).

What I don't love

There's no backup plan. If my daycare provider is sick or on vacation, I'm stuck. Every once in awhile my husband can take off, but it's usually me.
There is often less structure, although this varies widely. My mom, for example, has a full preschool program and the day is very structured.
I think there's less opportunities for some of the experiences they'd get at a larger center--such as cool field trip, big art projects, etc. Again, this varies.

I think everybody has to decide what sort of setting is right for them. No one thing will be right for every family. No matter what, interview, interview, interview!

Finding a Good Daycare

2006-07-24T14:56:00.000-04:00

Finding a daycare was terrifying for me. How do you know who you can trust your child with while you're gone? I grew up in a daycare home so I know I had some pretty high standards. First you have to decide what sort of situation you're looking for. Do you like the convenience, reliability and structure of a larger center? Or are you looking for something smaller in a home with more one on one care? There are pros and cons to both. I hope to talk a little about in-home daycares later in the week. And hopefully someone who uses a center can discuss that too. For now, I wanted to share with you some interview questions you can use when searching for that perfect daycare. You probably won't want to use ALL of these, but this should help you decide what's important. This list is also available in the "Daycare" section of our Bulletin Boards. Feel free to visit there and add more!

What are your hours?
What are your fees?
Do you charge for days my child is absent due to illness or vacation?
Do you have paid holidays? If so what ones?
Do you have paid sick days? If so how many? How many days were you unable to provide care last year due to illness?
Do you have paid vacations? How many days per year?
Do you have a sub when you are not able to provide care, or am I expected to arrange for substitute care?
How many years have you been a licensed provider?
Are you certified in CPR and First Aid?
What other continuing education classes have you taken in the past year or two?
When you use a helper, who is your helper and what are his/her responsibilities? What is that person’s relationship to you?
Do you ever leave your helper alone with the children?
How many children do you have on a regular basis?
What are their ages?
Can you tell me what a typical day is in your daycare home?
Can you show me where the children play during the day?
Do the infants play in the same area?
If so, how are they kept safe from toys meant for older children?
How often and how much time are infants in playpens, walkers, or infant seats?
Do you schedule an infants feedings or do you feed on demand?
Do you hold infants when you feed them or do you prop bottles?
Do you ever put an infant to bed with a bottle?
How often do you change infants? Do you have some sort of schedule for this?
Who is allowed to hold infants and toddlers?
Where does an infant spend most of his/her day?
Do you take the children outside? When and how often? Do you use sunscreen? Do we supply?
How are the infants and other children supervised? (Both indoors and out)
What are your illness policies?
Under what circumstances do you call parents when their child becomes ill or injured?
May I have a list of references? Do these include both past and present clients?
Do you have a preschool program? Tell me about a typical preschoolers day.
What sort of structured activities do you have for the children?
How much free play time do the children have during a typical day?
How much TV do the children watch while at your home?
What programs do they watch?
Do you have an upper age limit at which children attend your daycare?
How often do you use a substitute?
Do you let your families know when a substitute will be at your home?
Who do you use for a substitute? Also ask about the relationship of the substitute.
What is your plan in case of a personal emergency?
Do you practice regular fire and storm drills? What is your fire drill and storm plan?
How often do you read to the children?
Do you mind if parents stop by occasionally without notice during your regular hours when their child is in your care?
Where is your diaper changing area? May I see it? What do you use to sanitize it?
Where will my child sleep? May I see the room and crib or playpen?
How do you lay infants down when you put them to bed? Do you put blankets or toys in bed with the infant? (They should not--SIDS prevention)
May I visit your daycare home during daycare before I decide to bring my child, just to see what it is like and to meet the children? (I would do so. You can tell a lot by the way the provider interacts with the kids and the way they interact with her.)
Do you ever transport the children in a motor vehicle? If so, when? How are they secured in the vehicle?
Do you go on field trips? Where, when, and how are the kids supervised on these?
Where do the children play outdoors? May I see this area?
Do you have any pets? Where are they kept? Have they bitten or scratched any child in the past year? Where do you keep their food, water, litter box?
Has any child been injured while at your home in the past year where they required medical attention?
If she has stairs, ask her about gates and how they are secured.
If you might want to nurse during the day, ask if that would be possible. Even if you think not, I would ask, just in case you change your mind.
Do I furnish baby care products or do you (baby wipes, diaper ointment, bottles, bibs) You might want to find out what products she uses.
When and how do you toilet train. Hopefully, this would be when you decide it is appropriate, but not all providers do this. Some are every strict and scheduled, like every child gets trained at two. You want a feel for whether she is relaxed or stringent about toileting also. What does she do when a child has an accident during the day?
When and how do you discipline?
Values are important to us. What values are important to you?
Do you pray in your home or discuss faith (like at Christmas)?
When and where do children nap?
What is your nap policy?
Are there any other people (and relationship, ie husband, boyfriend, child ?)who are around the daycare children and would interact or discipline in any way.
If married, be sure to ask to meet spouse.
Can we see a copy of your contract?
Who furnishes diapers? Formula?
Are you on the food program?
Do you provide any meals or snacks? What ones?
Please provide menus for the last couple days meals. (so you can get an idea of her knowledge about nutrition and what is important to her in meal planning)

Family Travel

2006-07-21T14:24:00.000-04:00

The first time we flew with my son, he was 5 weeks old.
Living a five hour flight away from my in-laws, at the time, we knew we were going to be frequent fliers.
In the first three years of my son's life, he's flown at least 20 times on flights ranging from 1 hour to 6 hours.

Here's what I've learned.

Rules for the airplane:
Rule # 1: Bring one more diaper than you think you will need, and an extra change of clothes (I learned this the hard way when multiple diaper explosions left us landing in hawaii with a baby in our last diaper and no shirt or shorts).
Rule # 2: You must have a portable DVD player - if you do not own one, borrow from a friend.
From the time my son was 8 or 9 months old, this was an invaluable traveling tool; not only on the flight but in the hotel room
Rule # 3: Pack lots of snack choices and napkins!
Rule # 4: Let the kid have the pacifier if he/she wants it (and make sure you have the clip-on thingy - there's nothing more disgusting than picking up a pacifier off the dirty airplane floor) - oh and always bring extras!
Rule #5: If you are going to give your child medicine to make them drowsy on the plane, be sure to test it out first at home (I learned this one the hard way as well- I gave my son a dose of benadryl on a flight, without making sure it would actually make him drowsy. It made him bounce off the walls!!!)

As my son got older, I needed to get more creative on keeping him entertained. For a recent flight we had planned (where he and I were flying without my husband), I went to the toy store and bought about 5 or 6 toys (each costing between $1 and $5). Then I handed them out, throughout the flight, as "presents" for being a good boy. It worked like a charm and he really enjoyed his presents and played with them, keeping him busy. When he'd ask for another present, I would tell him that he needed to wait and be a good boy for a bit longer.

Most importantly, I've learned to just RELAX. Your child may scream and yell on the airplane, or in the airport, and you just can't let it get to you. I just try to take the attitude of - I will never see these people again, so what do I care what they think of me/my child?

The Supermom ideal

2006-07-11T23:20:00.000-04:00

I know we have all heard the term "supermom" and we probably all thought the same thing before we had kids--that's a mom that does it all. Now that I am part of that demographic, this term just makes me bitter. I am, by no means at all, a "supermom. "Yes, I work 5 days a week outside the home, take the kids to and from daycare, make meals, do the shopping, do the laundry, clean the house, pay the bills, play with the kids as much as possible, and try to be a good wife somewhere in between. But to me, that's just what being a mom entails. I don't think I am "super" for accomplishing these tasks, and by the end of the work week, I certainly don't feel "super." I am exhausted, like every other mother on this planet. And therein lies the bitterness. I hate that we working moms are trying to live up to a term that doesn't even make sense. We can't possibly live up to the expectations of what most people think of when they hear that term.

Now, I am more than happy to strive to be a "super mom." Note the space between those two words. It's amazing how one tiny space can make those two terms so vastly different. If someone were to tell me I was a "super mom", I would be thrilled! And really, that's what we should all try to be. Forget that whole idea of working your tail off in order to have everything perfect. Get fast food once a week, so you can spend that extra time playing with your 3 year old. Hold the laundry off until the weekend, so you can read books, play hide and seek, and sing silly songs. That's what being a "super mom" is really all about.

Local Restaurant offers "Working Mom" special

2006-07-07T15:21:00.000-04:00

I drive by a local bbq place that advertises a "working mom's special" for dinner. I think it is a great marketing angle and I'm amazed that more companies don't tap into this market. As a working mom, I like to buy things that make my life a little easier. The working mom demographic should be a focus for all companies...not just a little barbecue place in Alabama.

If you are ever in Bessemer, Alabama be sure to stop by Bob Syke's Barbecue on the Bessemer Super Highway and support a business that understands working moms! They have great onion rings and southern bbq! Be sure to get some sweet tea too!!!

Community Support for Working Moms

2006-07-06T21:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, maybe it's just me but I have NO local support. I am the only one of our circle of friends that is a working mom. The rest all stay home, even after their kids have went off to school. Just not in my cards to ever be a stay at home mom.

I have found my support online through website like RealWorkingMom and on ParentCenter which I found when I was pregnant with my first. I've been so fortunate to make some incredible friends that have kept me sane when I thought I was going crazy or my child was going crazy ;) They understood when I cried the first day my son went to daycare or I was returning from maternity leave because they had been there. The experiences we have shared both joys and sorrows have joined us together like no friends I have known for decades or see in person regularly. Our virtual playdates have been the community I wish I'd had for many more years. I hope you join our virtual community at http://realworkingmom.proboards106.com/ and share your experiences with us too. We are here to support and encourage each other as working moms.

Saying No to Travel

2006-07-05T20:06:00.000-04:00

When I joined my company 7 years ago I made it clear to my boss that my plans included having a family so putting me in a position of heavy travel would be a waste of time, so the various positions I've held over the years are always the ones that don't involve travel. I'm sure that were I willing to travel I could have grown much more in my job, could have contributed more to the company and been making more money. But I knew before they were even conceived that I wouldn't want to leave my kids on a regular basis for work. With my husband in the construction business he is at work before daycare is ever open, which means if I travel I have to find someone to take the kids, out of their home and enviroment, for however long I have to be gone. That's not fair to them. I've traveled once for business since having children, and while I will do it if necessary, I have chosen not to take a position within my company where it is a frequent requirement. And I'm at peace with that decision.

Working and Travel

2006-06-28T16:10:00.000-04:00

I am expected to travel in my position as a Product Specialist. It sounded wonderful when I was hired in 1997. In fact my job description required 40% travel (a bit of an exaggeration). I was single (living with now DH) and had no children. After having my DD almost 6 yrs. ago I took her on a couple of business trips, I took along my sister once and my mother once (free nanny services). I found that that didn't work very well, I couldn't really concentrate on work and didn't like to leave them sitting in a hotel room!

Truthfully, after 9-11 the travel budgets were cut, so much of the non-essential travel was avoided for a couple of years. During that time I did little traveling, which was a bit of a relief to me (not that I am saying anything good came from 9-11!)!

I have tried my best to keep all my trips to just 1 night ( or even fly out and back in the same day, but that is exhausting) over the past 5.5 years, but a few times have been gone 2 nights (never 3, knock on wood). I do believe that limiting my travel has not been good for my career. There have been trade shows that I should've gone to, but a co-worker was sent instead; but being a working mom means that sacrifices have to be made in all aspects of life.
My traveling is often sporatic and unpredictable which makes it even harder. This year I have been on approx. 5-6 trips which is a little more than typical (but what is typical?). I think this will slow down now that summer is here. I am ready for some fun family travel!

My DH loves our kids and does great with them. It is probably harder on me than on the kids!
However his work suffers when I am gone since he does both drop off and pick up, but we make it work.

I guess I have to try to look at the good side, I do get a well deserved break and a quiet evening in a hotel room when I am away (though it is lonely). Just so that it is not too often!

RM

Working and Travel

2006-06-27T11:06:00.000-04:00

I have my first business trip in a couple of years this week. Before I had kids, I travelled a lot for work, almost 2 times a month. After kids, I really limited my trips to what was absolutely necessary, and even declined some trips if I felt I could. However, I feel in a lot of ways that hurt my career.

This is my first trip since having my second child almost a year ago. I feel like I do need to start travelling again for work. It creates better relationships and helps my career. However, finding that balance is difficult between necessary travel and necessary family time.

I'm stressed about the trip. Even though it is only one night, I will miss the kids terribly. I can't imagine not tucking my kids in on Thursday night. I'm also stressed about my husband alone with the kids, trying to do both drop off and pick up at daycare. He is great with the kids, but it's a lot of extra pressure for him, and it requires him to work short hours. I just really hope it goes well

Amy

Pregnant and Interviewing

2006-06-26T15:21:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I will face something that I think most women dread. I have a job interview and I just found out I'm pregnant with my third (and final) baby. I have so many thoughts running through my head about this. Do I tell them immediately, or do I wait and tell them if/when they offer me a job? I'm thinking that I should probably wait, as I am only 4 weeks pregnant, and if something were to happen I wouldn't want to have jeopardized a potential job for nothing. Of course, I hope everything goes wonderfully with my pregnancy, and no job is more important than a healthy baby.

There are just so many unanswerable questions in this situation and I'm sure others can relate. I know that legally I cannot be denied a job because of my pregnancy, but I'm sure that if it came down to me or another candidate that isn't pregnant, the other candidate would get the position. And there would be no way to prove that the other person was chosen because I was pregnant.

So, while this may be the first time I've ever had to face this situation, I'm thinking the smart thing to do is go in there and do the interview and save the announcement for later, if I get the job.

Unique gifts for working moms

2006-06-22T18:08:00.000-04:00

A great way to show that you and your kids are proud of all that you do. Treat yourself or put it on your wish list. There are several designs:

Proud Working Mom:
http://www.cafepress.com/proudworkingmom

Full-Time Mom #1
http://www.cafepress.com/fulltimemom1

Full-Time Mom #2
http://www.cafepress.com/fulltimemom2

Kids Stuff #1
http://www.cafepress.com/workingmomkids1

Kids Stuff #2
http://www.cafepress.com/workingmomkids2

Alternative Work Schedules

2006-06-22T08:46:00.000-04:00

I am so incredibly lucky that I have an employer that supports alternative work schedules. I work full time but two days a week I work from home. I am set up with a laptop, VPN access and a pager. My role at work is one of support but the internal customers I support are all over the country so they have no idea if I'm at home or my desk in the office.

I can not even express how wonderful it is to work from home these two days. When my son was an infant I would go visit him at his daycare during my lunch hour. I did sign an agreement with my employer that my toddler son will be in daycare while I'm working. These days during my lunch I usually go to the grocery store, drycleaners, get my oil changed, or run any other number of errands or I scrub bathrooms, or run the vacuum cleaner, mop the floor.....you name it.

I also love that I don't have to deal with traffic. My commute is pretty easy but commuting to the office downstairs is wonderful. I wear shorts or sweats, sloppy t-shirts, flip flops and skip the makeup.

The question I am most often asked is......can you really get work done at home. OH YES, even more than I can in the office. I am not distracted by everyone's phone ringing and people aren't stopping my desk to chat.

The best part is that I get to spend more time with my family. Instead of sitting in minivan commuting to work I am playing with my son!

Sam

Thank Goodness for AWS

2006-06-22T08:36:00.000-04:00

I work one 1/2 day at home and compress my work week to leave early on Fridays. This has been so incredible and I'm so glad I took the risk and just asked. My new motto in life really is "the answer is always 'No' if you don't ask and you just maybe surprised with a 'Yes.'" I save on daycare, can spend more time with my kids and get more time to run errands. It was a lifesaver when I was pregnant because I did a lot of my appts on Friday afternoons. It really just takes asking and making sure to be diligent if you are working at home so that you can show proof of work so there is no question you can handle it. My work actually makes out better with me working at home 1/2 day because I have less interruptions, can better concentrate and can actually work longer because I don't have to rush off to pick up the kids because the preschool for my oldest is right around the corner. I use my lunch hour to drive home.

Here's a great resource I found from the Labor Project for Working Families and the AFL-CIO Working Women's Department:
Bargaining for Alternative Work Schedules

Alternative Work Schedules

2006-06-22T06:52:00.000-04:00

I work for a company that has always valued employee "face time".
They are like a lot of companies who are just starting to open their eyes to the idea of tele-commuting, and are finally realizing that it can be done, without loss of productivity.
It took a long time to convince them that I could work from home a few days a week and still do as much work, as I did in the office. I had the benefit of working there for a few years, and had proven myself very capable in my position, which gave me the confidence to push the issue with management.
Working in a remote office the past two years has also helped the situation (before that, I was at our Headquarters). With technology the way it is today (high-speed internet access from home, and phone forwarding) most people I work with have no idea where I am when they are talking to me, nor do they care.
I support internal employees all over the globe. Therefore, often I get up before my kids and knock off some emails to Europe, before starting my day. Once the kids are up and off to daycare, then I can deal with East Coast business. Our west coast office doesn't really start buzzing until around Noon (I am on the east coast, obviously) so sometimes I can do a little straightening up around the house, or throw a load of laundry in, mid-morning.
Working at home 2-3 days a week has helped my sanity immensely. Daycare is a mere 5 blocks from my house. By not having the hour, round-trip commute, I have that much more time with my kids, or on those rare days, that extra hour to work!