I survived!

Well I made it through my first week (okay it was only three days). The girls and I are doing fine. In some ways it really is easier the second time around. The worst part was probably the anticipation--like watching the nurse as she draws blood instead of closing your eyes. I remembered the pain from the first time I left my oldest daughter at daycare and I dreaded having to feel that again. Did I feel it? Absolutely. I missed my kids like hell every second I was away. But I knew I'd make it through because I'd done it before. I knew my kids wouldn't forget me. I knew they'd always know who there mommy was. My oldest daughter was very excited to go back to daycare and see her friends. The baby is only 12 weeks old so completely adaptable. The only one who was hurt at all was me, and that's okay. Because I know in the end, this is better for my girls. Would I be home if I could? Yes I would. But it's not worth the things they would miss. I can't make them sacrifice so that I can feel better as a mom, if that makes sense. And I think, when we're not together all day, the time we do have is more precious and spent more wisely. My nearly 3-year old seems to appreciate me more. And I appreciate her more too, if that's possible. I welcome her constant talking because I've missed it all day and I relish every word and focus on her instead of just dumbly nodding while I attend to another task. Am I keeping up with the housework? No. Am I making fancy gourmet meals? No. Am I able to nap during the day or maintain the workout schedule I had while on maternity leave? No and no. But who cares? My children are happy, glowing, and thriving.