Our goal is to provide information, ideas and support for working women who are also full-time mothers.

Monday, November 06, 2006

My X-pectations

Nobody said it was going to be easy to navigate the waters of divorce; steering two young minds toward adulthood, but is it really too much to expect that both parents would at least be headed in the same general direction?

My journey has just begun, and I am already finding that my efforts to keep things afloat require constant vigilance to avoid having the X sink my battleship.

On the most basic level, prompt payment of child support should not be too much to ask. For working moms who rely on daycare providers, the cost of having a job is not cheap. Add on the financial responsibility for maintaining a separate household, and unless you have a very well-paying job or win the Powerball jackpot, the child support money is truly important. I am not sure why my X is under the impression that child support allows me to afford frequent trips to the day spa, fine dining, and all of life’s luxuries because there are days when I am lucky to fit in a shower and a dinner of mac & cheese. Clearly he thinks my dinghy is a yacht.

While I am struggling to paddle upstream, the X seems to feel that visitation is the time to break out the party boat. Good times and overindulgence prevail. My efforts to provide my children with a minimal amount of junk food and a good night’s sleep get tossed overboard. Sticking out your tongue and bouncing a ball off of your sibling’s head are party games. I understand the whole “trying to make up for lost time” and “guilt” issues that come into play for the X; however, he is missing the boat by trying to be a pal when he should be a parent. If he really wants to do what is best for his kids, he needs to stand up for what is right, do the work, and help them learn to steer themselves in the right direction.

There are countless ways that I wish my X would change as a parent. I would like us to be united in our efforts to raise our children in such a way that they will become responsible, caring, hard-working, and happy adults. Then again, if I really thought the X would turn into an A+ kind of guy, I might still be docked in a port of marital bliss.



  • At 11:44 PM, Anonymous Dianna said…

    Your last sentence says it all. Such a good point. I should know! My oldest two children, ages 15 and 13, share a father who has thrown all of my hard work out the door as soon as his weekends started - and we split up when they were babies still so it's been a long road! But I can tell you that despite all of my frustration, my kids are terrific people just as I'm sure yours are now and will be later!


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