Step Moms/Blended "Splendid" Families

Let me start out by trying to sort out all of the crazy details for you. I am a stepmom to 13 year old twin boys. I have been their stepmom for a little more than 5 years. The twins live with my husband and I about half of the time and with their mom and stepdad the other half of the time. Technically speaking my husband has joint legal and joint physical custody of the twins. We live about 25 minutes away from their mom and they go to school by their mom's house. The twins have a younger brother, my 2.5 year old son, and a younger sister, their mom's almost 2.5 year old daughter. There are so many more details I could go into but sometimes I can't even keep them all straight!

I was a stepmother before I was a mother. You know what's it like before you are really a parent? You think you have all the answers, you don't understand why people do what they do, or why they let their kids do what they do! I had to learn that not only were my views on parenthood completely skewed but that as a step parent my boundaries were totally different. I generally learned this the hard way. OUCH. I learned that as a stepmom I can establish bounadries in my own home (e.g. bedtimes, dinner time, chores, etc.) but when it comes to the things that happen outside the home (e.g. school, doctor visits, etc.) I have influence but I am not a decision maker. That sounds so simple but for me that was a lesson that took about 2 years to learn.

So for the question everyone asks me.......do I get along with my husbands ex? That is a hard question to answer. We do not see eye to eye on a lot of things but I make every attempt to remain civil and remember that while we may have different opinions we are both trying to do what is best for the twins. The reality is that she and I talk more than she and my husband. Because in the real world it's the moms (step or biological) who get the details ironed out. Who is dropping them off at the baseball game, did they finish their homework, who has a fever and when was the last dose of Tylenol given. You all know what I'm talking about!

I have often said that being a step parent is like parenting with one hand tied behind your back.

I do love my stepsons very much. They are part of my family. I worry about them, I have hopes and dreams for them. Our dinner table just doesn't feel complete unless all 5 of us are sitting at it!

Sam